Boyfriend wants me to leave my parents’ house

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am having a problem. I am living with my parents but I have a boyfriend. My boyfriend wants me to leave my parents and live with him.

He comes from a poor family. His father, who is a farmer, has many children outside, and six with his mother. His farming is not doing very well. My boyfriend has a babymother but he supports his child. I have proof that he does. We have been friends since we were in high school.

There were other guys who liked me but he protected me from them. The girl who he got pregnant threw herself at him. I never had sex with him until I was 18 years old. The first time we had sex, we both bought a pack of condoms. His aunt was away and he was staying at her house. I spent all day at his aunt's house with him.

I am working and I am helping my parents. My brothers don't help my parents much, although they are older than I am. I want to go to university. If I do, I will be the first in my family to have a degree. My boyfriend told me that I could still help my parents if we live together and save to purchase our own home. Right now, I would love to have a car because I am tired of taking the bus and the taxi. But I really don't want to leave my parents, especially my mother.

I told my father that I was thinking of leaving and he expressed surprise. He told me I should not leave until I am married. I really don't know what to do,, because my boyfriend is pressuring me to leave. My father took my mother to live with him when she was 19. She said that she did so because she was tired of sleeping on the same bed with her brothers and sisters. When she went to live with my father, she had her own bed. However, living with him prevented her from making more progress in life. She started to raise pigs and my father got her pregnant. Every time she looked at him, he hugged her.

My mother's parents are still alive and all her siblings are gone. She goes to see her parents every week and assist them. They live in their own house but the house needs to be repaired. Her father is in his 80s. My mother is simple, but I love her. I feel so confused writing this letter to you. However, I don't know who to turn to for help. So please, do not ignore me.

N.P.

Dear N.P.,

I would like to suggest that you continue to live at your parents' home. Your mother made a mistake by going to live with your father at a young age, and she did not fare well. Your father will not want you to leave because he knows that life might become very difficult for you. Living with this man might put you under a certain amount of pressure.

Tell your boyfriend you are not ready to live with a man and you want to focus on going to university. Make sure your boyfriend does not get you pregnant. You have been careful so far, continue to be.

Pastor