I can’t get him out of my head

Dear Pastor,

I am a 17-year-old girl but I never had sex. Most of my girlfriends have had sex. I grew up in a very strict home and I was never allowed to go out with guys.

Males were all around me but I have never gone out on dates. When I was 16, my parents put on a party for me. I was allowed to invite my friends. The party was in a yard. Some of my girlfriends from school taught me the latest dance. One of the guys in the area came behind me and started to wine. My father, who was sitting and drinking with his friends, got up and shouted at the guy and told him to stop. He complied. Everybody started to laugh. I was embarrassed.

A few days later, I saw the guy and he described my father as a fool. I told him my father was not a fool and he should have had more respect for me and my father. The problem is, I like this guy. He told me that he likes me, too. I find myself fantasising about him. Some of my friends tell me that they fantasise, too, and that everybody does that.

One of my friends told me that she fantasises so much that she dreamt she was having sex with one of the guys she likes. She was very frightened when she jumped out of her sleep and she found herself wet. We could only talk these things among ourselves because we are both in church and we don't want anybody to know that we think so much about sex. If we were to say these things to others, they would condemn us as being rude and out of order.

So, I am asking you whether thinking about men and fantasising is condemned in the Bible. Please give me an answer.

I.D.

Dear I.D.,

Let me put your mind at ease. I think it is safe to say that everybody fantasises about sex, especially persons in their teens and older.

It is not unusual for girls to wonder what it would be like to be hugged and kissed and to be in bed with a man, whether it would be pleasurable or not. It is not something that is dirty. However, there are some fantasies that can be rather disturbing. Some girls fantasise about having men who belong to others.

Some women will tell you that they often fantasise about their first sexual act and what it would be like.

Your girlfriend told you about a situation where she was in a dream and she actually got up wet. You might be alarmed about that but it happens. You need not worry. You are 17 and you are not ready to have sexual intercourse. You are not even ready to have a steady relationship. If you keep your mind on guys, you will fantasise more. Right now, I just want to encourage you to think about your future.

This young man you like, let it remain in your heart, don't allow it to go to your head. Perhaps he believes that, because your father stopped him from dancing with you in that particular way, your father doesn't have sense or he doesn't like you. Some may say your father was wrong and that he could have allowed him to go on because it was just a party . It was your special day. Let it be known that, if this guy and you really get to know each other, the time may come when both of you would want to get married and life will be special to both of you.

You have not said what your plans are for the future. I hope your girlfriends and yourself will go to university and pursue careers that will help to move Jamaica forward. I hope the guys will do the same.

Please feel free to write to me on these matters at any time. I will try not to embarrass your friends and yourself, but I will always be straightforward.

Pastor