Can’t get over my dead husband

Dear Pastor,

I am 35 years old. I got married when I was 27. Unfortunately, my husband died. He was such a wonderful man. I am still crying over his death. He died without setting matters straight. He had two children before he married me. I do not have children. He was the second man in my life. When I met him all my needs were satisfied. I was living in America with my parents and I came back to Jamaica and decided that I would give up everything in America to live with this man.

His first wife with whom he had children did not make it easy for me, but he kept saying that I should ignore her because she was just jealous. He was correct. My parents have been a tower of strength to me. I am in a good financial position, but it could have been better if my husband had settled certain issues.

My husband and my father are in the same age group. Sometimes my husband treated me like his daughter. Whenever I said that to him, he said I was talking nonsense. Sometimes I got lost in his arms. I slept on his breast every night. Since he has passed on, I am wondering what to do. I do not have any desire to remain in Jamaica.

Recently I have a man who is showing interest in me. I do not find myself interested in the opposite sex. I have no feelings for sex. My mother told me that I should give myself time and I will overcome this feeling. I don't know when that will be. Is anything wrong with me? I have started to go back to church, but I don't want any man asking for my name or my number. I am not interested in any man. Thanks for reading my letter.

L.C.

Dear L.C.,

You had a good husband. I am sorry you did not say more about his children or what caused his sudden death. But from what you have written, I understand why it would take you a long time to get over his death. Having lost such a good man, it would be difficult for you to decide whether you should stay in Jamaica or go back to America.

I am sure that your parents and trusted friends will help you to make that decision. You will decide whether you are in a position to make a good contribution to Jamaica and whether you can do so alone. Where would you make a better contribution? In Jamaica or in America? I would also love to know what type of work your husband did. But you said that he was in the same age group as your dad and that he treated you like his daughter.

I hope that wherever you decide to live and work, you will be happy. Don't be alarmed if many men try to show interest in you. That is just normal. However, you have to be careful because some may be interested in you because of what you have, and what I mean by that is your financial position. Some men may come to get money and other material possessions out of you. So please, be wise.

You have not said anything about whether you have gone for counselling. Perhaps you have but you just didn't mention it. If you have not sought grief counselling, you should do so. I will be glad to send you the names of people who would be able to assist you in that way. It is not too late for you to receive grief counselling from a mature, experienced counsellor. I assure you of my prayers and I hope to hear from you again.

Pastor