Boyfriend only has sex with me in hotels

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and I have a boyfriend who is 20. This guy means a lot to me. You might not understand, but I come from a poor family. My mother has three of us and I am the only girl.

I don't know my father. My mother told me that she met him at a dance. He told her that he loved the way she moved. They had more than just beers. He took her outside; that much she remembered.

She said they leaned against a van and when she became conscious of herself, they were having sex. She never got his real name. When she asked him, he gave her a wrong name, pulled up her clothes and they went back into the dance. He gave her a number, which never worked. Then she missed her period. None of her friends could tell her whether they knew him.

My mother worked as a helper. She got pregnant the second time for a man who told her he loved her. After she got pregnant, he told her that he was living with his babymother, so she would have to keep quiet about her pregnancy. He asked her if she wanted to do an abortion and she told him no. She found out that the other woman was really his wife. During her pregnancy, he gave her everything. She was living at home, but things got real rough and he helped her to find a place. He was always talking about me and telling her she should try and find my father.

After she had the baby, his wife found out where she was living and showed up at the house. My mother told her the truth and she bought baby clothes for my mother. She told my mother that she should not encourage her husband to come back to the house. But he kept coming, and finally told her that his marriage was threatened. My mother said, "I did not know you were married." He said he didn't want to lose her. They had sex most times when he came there. He was a good man to my mother, I can say that. He used to help her to send me to school. I am now going to high school and I am working.

My mother has another boyfriend, so she has three of us with three different men. He sleeps at the house sometimes. I am working and I am trying my best to help my mother. Recently, I bought my own bed, and we are trying to move into a better place. My boyfriend told me that I should stay with my mother as long as I can. The only problem is that when we want to spend time together, we have to go to a hotel. Sometimes I feel ashamed, because some of the workers have got to know us well. One of the girls said to me recently, "I know the type of room you all use, it's ready for you." I told my boyfriend that we should not go back there for a long time, but he said it is affordable. He can't take me to his house because he does not live alone. I beg my boyfriend not to get me pregnant, so he is careful.

I know you are going to say you are not going to encourage me to have sex, but he gives me anything I ask for. I decided to ask you what type of condom is the best. I would love to go to university, so I don't want to become pregnant. I want to help my mother get out of poverty.

H.M.

Dear H.M.,

What a question to ask me? However, I am here to respond to everyone's questions, without exception. So I am not going to ignore your question. However, you can go online and google your question and get the answers you seek. I suppose you asked me because you have confidence in me. I will not mention any particular brand, because I do not want to be accused of encouraging persons to use that particular brand.

I would say that since your boyfriend and you are having sex, you have a right to be concerned that the ones you are using will not break. It is believed that latex condoms, when correctly used, are 98 per cent more effective than any other type of contraceptive. Some women who are on the Pill also practise using the condom as a double precaution. Do not yield to the temptation of using any other device except the condom without your doctor's advice. And do not take the risk of having unprotected sex.

Pastor