My boyfriend blames me for getting pregnant

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend and I engaged in a sexual encounter. I should tell you that I am a recent graduate of a university and I play a very active role in my church.

I also do voluntary work for an organisation. I love my work and I love my family. I love my boyfriend too. He is a big man, both in his age and in size. Sometimes he picks me up with one hand. I am waiting on a call to go abroad. We have a good understanding between us. I asked him if he is worried about me leaving and he said no, because he trusts me. He does not have children.

One evening I went to his house and we made love and both of us fell asleep. When we woke up it was too late for him to take me home, so I slept over. He lives with his mother but he has his own bathroom. His mother went off to work not knowing that I was still there. After she left, I went home and he waited for me to get dressed and he took me at work. When we had sex at his house, we did not use protection. Several days passed and I remembered, so I bought the morning after pill. The pharmacist told me "You should not worry, that should take care of the problem".

I believed her, but I am so embarrassed now because I am two months pregnant and I can't face the people I have helped. I am trying to wear big dresses but everything for me is getting big including my breasts. My boyfriend is blaming me for being careless. I have even contemplated going to rural Jamaica to stay with my grandmother until I have my baby. My boyfriend is against that and he is planning to talk to his mother about me coming to stay with them for a while.

L.F.

Dear L.F.,

I am not a medical doctor, but the books that I have used to qualify me to do the work I do have indicated that the morning after pill works if taken correctly.

It is said that if a girl takes the pill within 72 hours after she has had sexual intercourse, it is unlikely that she will become pregnant. But I say to women that it is still risky. It is better for a woman to protect herself from becoming pregnant and not rely on the morning after pill. Even this matter of taking the contraception pill is risky because some women cannot trust themselves to take a pill daily and to follow the instructions that are given. They take the pill sometimes and other times they totally forget it and skip a couple of days. Then they say they were 'on the pill'. That is foolishness.

If it is confirmed that you are indeed pregnant, you should resolve to carry your pregnancy. It does not make any sense trying to hide the pregnancy because you will not be able to do that for nine months. So this matter about going to see your grandmother does not make any sense. Your boyfriend is suggesting that you move in with him and his mother. Perhaps he believes that that will give you pleasure and comfort. That would be totally between his mother and you.

People make mistakes and evidently you have made a mistake. Face the future with courage. You are a graduate of a university and you are working. Don't do anything foolish to lose your job. Go to work. Let your boyfriend accompany you when you are going to see the doctor. You will get over this period fine. I wish you well.

Pastor