Skipped church to be with my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 and my boyfriend is 18. I am still going to school, but he is working in a supermarket. We have been friends for one year. We had sex for the first time on my birthday.

I told my parents that I was going to church, but that was the plan my boyfriend and I had. I went straight to his house and we had sex. It was painful, but he said that was something every girl experiences. When I was leaving for home, he said we should try again, but I couldn't manage. But since then, we have had sex many times. He is a tall guy and his penis is large. He said his father also had a big penis.

My mother is a day's worker and my father does a little farming. So they are not able to give me all that I want. But my boyfriend gives me money every week when he gets paid. If he does not hear from me for a day, he calls me. He is very jealous. He wants to go to university and become a mechanical engineer. I want to be a nurse. One day he asked me to show him my phone and I asked him why. He said he wanted to see who called me. I know I don't have any other boyfriend so I gave him my phone and he went through it. I told my sister and she said I should not have given him my phone. But I didn't want him to believe that I was seeing another guy.

I told my mother that I have a boyfriend, but she does not know him. She told me to be careful and that I should make sure that he does not get me pregnant. I lied that I was still a virgin. My mother believed me, but my sister knows the truth. My sister is 19 and sometimes she sleeps out. My mother does not question her because she says that she is a big woman.

I want my boyfriend to go to university, but he wants me to graduate from high school first and get a little job so that I can help myself. I have two uncles in America. Sometimes they send a little money for my mother. She said that she wanted to ask them to help me, but they have their own children. I am a bright girl. I am not bad, so please don't think that I am a bad girl.

My boyfriend's parents know me and whenever I visit him, they treat me well. His mother is always talking to me about school. They are nice people.

M.J.

Dear M.J.,

I understand how difficult it must be for your parents. Your mother is just a day's worker and your father does a little farming, but nothing to write home about.

At least they are putting food on the table. Girls play tricks on their parents all the time and when they get to the age of 16, they experiment with sex. They listen to other girls and their friends laugh at them and tell them that it is time to do something because they have reached the age of consent.

You thought that it was time for you and you promised your boyfriend that both of you would go at it. So while your parents thought you were going to church, you were in this man's bed. So you gave up your virginity for some pleasure. If your parents had asked you when you got home how church was, I am sure you would have come up with something and they would have believed you. I am not condemning you. I believe you are a good girl, and many good girls sometimes fool their parents.

This young man is trying his best to help you. He is jealous and he also wants to know that you are telling him the truth. When you told him that you didn't have any other boyfriend, you were wise to allow him to look into your phone. But you should have told him that you didn't appreciate him doing that all the time. He has to learn to trust you.

Your mother would be very surprised to know that you have started to have sex. And she would be very disappointed if you were to become pregnant. So make sure that you do not take the risk of having unprotected sex. I also hope that your uncles will help you to go to nursing school while your boyfriend goes on to university. I hope you will not tell your girlfriends everything you do. Not all girls have high standards. I wish you well and I wish your boyfriend well. I would like to know what progress you are making, so write to me again.

Pastor