Think my boyfriend is too black

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for years. I am 65 years old. I have some old copies of THE STAR. I see that you have not changed. You are still on target.

I have a problem and I want to share it with you. I have two grown children who live abroad. I hear from them every week. Their father and I broke up many years ago. Their father is a very handsome man. All the girls went for him. He was not a good provider. He spent his money on women. He didn't want to discuss with me what he did with his money. Both of us were working. I used to take the boys to everything. Their father had no time. He was too busy with his women. When I could not take it any more, I divorced him and I remained celibate for a long time.

NOT VERY GOOD LOOKING

A few years ago I met a man who told me that he was interested in me. I was not interested because he was not very good looking. This man is black and ugly. He is 70. It took me a long time to agree to go out with him. He is not Jamaican, but he knows how to treat a woman. When I introduced him to two of my siblings, they were very surprised that I was going with him. One of my sisters told me that she couldn't believe that he was my man friend. I sent pictures of him to my boys and asked them what they thought of him and they both said if I loved him I should go for it.

Last Thanksgiving he went to America with me to be with my sons and strangely enough, they liked him. The relationship has got serious and he has asked me to marry him. He has his own home and I have mine. I am not looking to get anything from him. Some of the people at my church are surprised to see the man I chose to be my partner. He is very proud of me. He was never married. He's a very good cook. He does most of the cooking. I'm getting to love him more and more, but we have not yet set a date for our wedding. I wish that this man was not so black. His skin is not smooth, but he is a lovely man. When I try to rub him down, he says I am trying to get his skin lighter than it is and he gets upset. He is an intellectual and that's one of the things I like about him. But he is not my type of guy.

P.L.

Dear P.L.,

You say this man is not your type of guy. Your type of guy should be handsome. You had a handsome man in your life and he was a big cheater.

You could not tell what he did with his money. He never had time for you and your children. But he was handsome. You finally divorced him and you lived without a man for a few years until you met this very black man. He has proven to be a real man. He is not handsome, he is black and his skin is not smooth. But you know that he is a good man. If you are wise, you would treat him well. I am sure you would not want this man to bleach.

Your sons have accepted him and they are encouraging you to accept him. You would not have to rely on him for anything, neither would he expect anything from you but love. You have your own home, he has his. Learn to accept this type of guy. If you did not want to have anything to do with this man, you should have told him long ago. You should not have given him the impression that you would marry him.

You are fortunate to have this man in your life. Treat him with respect. He will take care of you; make sure you take care of him. Show your siblings that you love this man, and when you go for Thanksgiving, let your sons see that you are in love with this man. They will gladly accept him as a part of the family.

Pastor