Boyfriend keeps pressuring me for sex

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am working. I am trying to save so that I can attend university. I come from a poor family, but I am thankful for what we have. My parents are hard workers.

They have four children and I am the third. There are three girls and one boy. My two older sisters got pregnant early and they are living with their babyfathers. My mother used to always say that they have let her down by becoming pregnant so early. Although they have left home, my mother is always helping them with the children.

I have had boyfriends, but I try to keep to myself and I have not allowed them to do whatever they want with me. I have five subjects. I would like to do computer science. I see myself in college next year. My current boyfriend is in college and he should graduate next year. He has promised to help me. I don't want to depend on him. So I am working hard.

I heard that my boyfriend has another girl but he denied it. I talked to my sisters and they told me not to let what I heard bother me, and remember that men will lie, even when they are caught with another woman.

My boyfriend is 23, but looks much older. He introduced me to his mother, but he did not tell her that I was his girlfriend. I was disappointed. His mother is a school teacher. His father runs his own business. He does not get the opportunity to be with me very often and he is always fussing when I tell him that we can't have sex. Sometimes he borrows his father's car and he wants me to agree to have sex with him in it.

I am tall and he is short. I don't know what to believe. He told me about a motel, but I refused to go. He asked me what he should do when he wants to have sex and I am not available. I told him he should do without, but I don't know if I said the right thing. I asked my parents if we could invite him to our house for Christmas and they said yes, but he told me that he would be with his parents, so he will come and spend New Year's Day with us. But I have to agree to spend the night with him. I asked him where he would take me and he said it was too early for him to tell me. I am afraid. I don't know what to do.

M.R.

Dear M.R.,

You are trying to be very careful and I commend you for that. Your sisters have told you the truth. You should not always accept the truth of what men tell you.

Your boyfriend may be speaking the truth, but if you exercise common sense, you will find the truth. You are an ambitious young woman. I would like to encourage you to work hard and save as much as you can. I am sure you will get through to university. Work as hard as you can. Keep your head high. Remember you have a right to say no to your boyfriend whenever he wants to be intimate with you.

You have plans to go to university, so remain focused. It is not difficult for some women to get pregnant. So always remember that you should never have unprotected sex. Your boyfriend wants to know what he should do when you refuse to have sex with him. The answer is easy, he should do without.

This young man introduced you to his mother, but he did not introduce you as his girlfriend. Don't allow that to bother you. However, I can see why you are concerned. You know you are more to him than just an ordinary friend and time will tell where the relationship is heading. You do not wish to go to a hotel with your boyfriend. He should not force you to do so.

You are 19 so do not allow anything to stand in your way. It's not always easy for a girl to know what to do. You are old enough to discuss your relationship with your mother. She will give you guidance. Talk to her about these problems. Develop a good relationship with your mother, but don't let your boyfriend pressure you for intimacy. Keep your eyes on university. Even if your boyfriend walks away from you, a good education will carry you through life. I wish you well.

Pastor