Nobody wants me because I’m overweight

Dear Pastor,

I am a 22-year-old woman and I am having problems. I am very heavy. I have always been fat and I have not been able to keep a boyfriend.

When I was going to high school, boys used to call me fat and say derogatory things to me. I never liked it. I grew up with low self-esteem. My older sisters were not slim, but they were not as fat as me.

I lost my virginity to a man who was twice my age and that was only one year ago. He took me out on a date. I was so excited because guys used to only see me and pass me by. But after I went out with this man and we had sex, he never invited me out again. I called him many times after that, but he ignored me. He told me that I should take off some weight. I cried and asked him why he fooled me. He said he did not fool me, but my belly was too big. I love this guy. No one else has asked me out.

I have a job. My boss treats me well. She told me that I should dress appropriately for the job and I should be courteous to people who come to the office. I have bought my own car so I do not have to ask my co-workers for a ride home. My best friend is my father. I can talk to him about anything. I like food and that is my downfall. I want this guy who took me out to come back. Sometimes I try to starve myself just to take off some weight. I am not an ugly girl, but I am overweight.

I regret having sex with this guy, but he told me that he did not have a girlfriend. He said he will take me out again as soon as I take off weight. What should I do? This man asked me for $20,000. I told him I will not give him the money, and he said that is why he can't bother with me. If you saw me, you would agree that I am too fat. Please give me your advice.

S.

Dear S.,

You have always been overweight. Your schoolmates and friends have always told you that you are too big. Guys did not date you because of your size, but you have done well and you have landed a job. Your boss has treated you well. So you should be thankful to her and to all those who have been good to you.

This man who took you out on a date was able to have sexual intercourse with you on your first date. But he has not shown any interest since. You have tried to reach out to him and he told you that you should take off some weight first. You probably thought that he accepted you the way you are, but that is not so. You should go to see a doctor who I am sure will put you on a reduced diet. The doctor will not make you feel uncomfortable, but you should tell the absolute truth.

Some men like fat women and I hate to use the word fat. Perhaps I should say oversized women. Sometimes we see little men with some women who are very large, but these men are very proud of them. But let me get back to your situation. Your friends have always teased you about your weight and that has affected your self-esteem. When this man took you out, you were so pleased that at least you had a date. So you gave yourself over to him and he has let you down. He is telling you that you have to take off the weight now if you wish to continue to have a relationship with him. So I repeat, go and see a doctor and ask him/her to help you. Do not give the man who took you out any money; he is out of order. He doesn't want you, but he wants your money. Be wise. Save your money, you are going to need it.

Pastor