Girlfriend thinks that I’m too poor

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you because I need your help. You are the problem solver. I am a 20-year-old man and I have a girlfriend who is 21.

I love her very much. She says that she loves me, but I am not sure. She is always comparing me with a man that she had before. He is older than I am and he was able to give her much more than I can. He was a store manager. She used to go to the store and work on weekends. This man left her for another woman. He told her that he was leaving her was because the other girl got pregnant for him. I am not sure that this girl loves me as much as she loves the other guy, because I do not have much to offer her. On her birthday, I forgot to call her and wish her a happy birthday. When I called her the following day, she cursed me and told me that even her ex called her.

I am from the ghetto; I did not hide that from her. I grew up with my grandmother. My mother left me and went to America. She sends money to my grandmother occasionally. My granny sent me to school. I consider my grandmother as my real mother. I don't know who my father is and I don't carry his name. I told my girlfriend these things and whenever we have a disagreement, she throws them in my face and I don't like that. My grandmother likes her.

I am doing electrical work. I want to learn the trade so that I can be a certified electrician. It is not a white-collar job, this girl seems to want a man who dresses up in a jacket and tie every day to go to work. She said that she was not coming back to where I live, and she didn't want any of her friends to know that I came from the ghetto. I cannot tell my grandmother some of the things that she said. How can I know if she likes me and doesn't mean some of the things she says?

A.B.

Dear A.B.,

Let me begin by telling you that this young lady does not respect you, and you cannot force her to love and respect you.

You are not responsible for where you were born, but you are responsible for the life you live. You have not come from a middle- or upper-class family. But you are trying to get good training and to make your grandmother proud. I am sure that she is already proud of you, because although you were born and raised in a depressed area, she has trained you well. You have not got involved with the wrong crowd. You could have joined a gang, went the wrong way, and be arrested and charged for numerous types of crime. But you did not go that way. You are a very wise young man.

You invited your girlfriend to visit your home. She met your grandmother and your grandmother likes her. But this relationship is in trouble, because this young lady believes that you are too poor for her to love you. She cannot, right now, see a future for the both of you together. Please do not fight to keep this relationship going.

This young woman will jump ship, so to speak, if she meets another guy who is interested in her and is in a better position than you. Perhaps time may prove me wrong, but right now I would say to you, prepare for the worst. This girl does not love you enough, and she is always putting you down instead of talking you up.

Pastor