Sleeping with my mom’s friend

Dear Pastor,

I am 31 and I have a girlfriend, but I am also involved with a 45-year-old woman. She was a friend of my mother, but since I got involved with her, they are no longer friends.

I got involved with her when she came to visit my mother. I gave her a ride home and when I got to her house, she told me that I did not have to be in a hurry to go back. I stayed and played cards with her until midnight. I did not know that time went by so fast. When I went home, my mother quarrelled with me and told me I should not go back to her house. She also called the woman and told her that she was surprised that she encouraged me to stay so long. The woman told her that I was a big man and she should not try to control me.

This woman kept calling me and telling me how much she loved me and she wanted to see me. So I went back to see her. Would you believe that she only had on a see-through house dress? She also prepared dinner for me. She was all over me. I was unable to resist her. She told me that I did not have to be afraid of her and my mother did not have to know that she loved me.

I still have my girlfriend, but this woman is taking me away from her. Every day my mother throws words at me and tells me to leave this woman alone and stay with my girlfriend. My girlfriend is always calling my mother and saying she has not seen me and complaining to her that I have changed. My mother told me that she suspected that this woman has tied me and I should not eat anything from her. But if she has tied me, it is too late now for me to get away because I enjoy her cooking.

My girlfriend has taken on a new style. She is always coming to my mother's house and waiting for me to come home. I can't romance her and the older woman too. My girlfriend is very active in the bedroom. But I like the older woman also. She tells me that nothing is going to separate us and whatever I want from her, I will get.

Pastor, she has a lovely home and I told her that if I was her man, I have to get the house. She told me that I must play the role and everything will be alright. She was married but her husband divorced her and she doesn't have any children. I wonder if this woman has really tied me to her? I always have to lie to my girlfriend. My girlfriend and I have good jobs and we were planning to get married. What do you think I should do?

S.B.

Dear S.B.,

Evidently this older woman was admiring you for a long time. She was hoping that she would be able to 'capture' you. When you gave her a ride home, she used that as a great opportunity to capture you.

Your mother knows that her friend has taken you over and regardless of what her friend says, your mother knows she has captured you. That is why she is probably encouraging your girlfriend not to stay far away from you. You are a weak young man. You should admit that whatever is happening between this woman and yourself, you have been encouraging it. If you did not like what this woman was doing to you, you would not have gone back to her house and you would not ignore your girlfriend.

My friend, you are too young to allow yourself to be used by this older woman. You are a greedy young man. You are having sex with this older woman for benefits. You want the woman's house and perhaps some of her money. You are shaming your mother. You told the woman that you want her house, but how are you going to get it? Do you think by having sex with her often that will cause her to add your name on her property title?

Although this woman is older than you, she is not going to allow you to make a fool of her; she will make a fool of you. Stop fooling around this woman and go back to your girlfriend permanently.

Pastor