I married my first boyfriend’s brother

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem that is bothering me. I am in my 30s and I am married. Before I got married, I was in a relationship with my husband's brother.

My husband knew that we were friends, but he did not know that we had gone to bed. That was a secret between his brother and I. His brother took my virginity. Our friendship remained intact, but he went abroad to study. I have always loved him and we continued our friendship. It was after he left that I became close to his brother, who became my husband.

When I realised that our friendship was getting serious, I told the brother who went abroad that his brother was in love with me and wanted to be my boyfriend. He asked me what I wanted to do. I told him I was thinking about it, but I had not yet made up my mind, so I needed his advice. He told me that what happened between us was in the past and he wanted me to be happy. So if I believed that his brother could make me happy, he would have no objection at all.

I thought about it and I started to go out with his brother, and he started to help me pay my bills. He also started to sleep over. When I made love to this man for the first time, I told his brother and he offered congratulations. Nobody in my family nor his family knew how close the brother in America and I were. Then I became pregnant for his brother, and we decided to get married before I had the baby. So, we did.

We have a good relationship, we now have two children. But from time to time, it bothers me to know that I am married to the brother of my first lover. His brother is back in Jamaica and he wants to spend a weekend here with us. He is now married, but I don't want him to spend a weekend with us. My husband asked me why, but I did not answer. He said we have rooms and we can accommodate him, so why not? I did not continue the argument. I do not know how I would feel having him in the same house with us. What should I do?

N.E.

Dear N.E.,

If you are not careful, you're going to give yourself away. You should not object to your husband's brother and his wife spending a few days at the house.

Surely what happened between your husband's brother and yourself was in the past. You are not having an intimate relationship any more, so you should greet him and his dear wife with open arms and treat them well. What happened between the both of you should never be mentioned. There should be no reason to mention it.

You know you love your husband and he loves you. Do your best to have the best relationship in the world. I warn you, say nothing to anyone about what transpired between your husband's brother and yourself. Be wise. The past is the past, and it cannot be undone. And that's all I have to say.

Pastor