Think my girlfriend is sleeping with other guys

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I have a girlfriend who is 24. She is not a Christian, but I am trying to be a Christian. I am not a very good one, but I am trying.

It is hard for me to be a Christian with her as my girlfriend. Sometimes when I visit her, she does not want me to leave. She lives alone, but I assist her in paying her rent.

This girl used to have a relationship with a 64-year-old man. She left him and got involved with me. When I asked her why she wanted to be with me, she said that he was too jealous and he was always complaining that she loved oral sex too much. I did not know anything much about oral sex; she introduced it to me, and now she wants it all the time. I don't know how long this relationship will last because I would like to get married when I am a little older and become active in my church. She told me that she is not ready for church.

She is very fat and any man would want her. Sometimes I look at her and I ask myself what have I got into. She has other boyfriends, but I don't know if she is having sex with them. One of them is an American and sometimes when I am there, he calls her and she tells him that I am visiting. He tells her that when I am gone, she can call him back. I know she does because if I call her late at night, she tells me that he is on the phone with her.

This girl told me that she has been going with men since she was 19 and she has never got pregnant. This old man bought her everything that she has, her bed, her stove and her refrigerator. But he could not cope with her behaviour. How can I know whether this girl is having sex with other men? At present she is my only girlfriend, but I don't fully trust her. Is there any way a man can know if his girlfriend is cheating on him? I really want to know and I don't want to discuss it with anybody.

I read somewhere that it is not always good to engage in oral sex. Is that true? Please tell me.

H.T.

Dear H.T.,

Let me comment on the last question you asked. Doctors say that there are many different kinds of diseases that can be passed on by having oral sex, such as throat cancer, HIV, HPV, gonorrhoea, syphilis and herpes. Oral sex has become very popular, but it is risky. These risks depend on a lot of different things, including how many sexual partners you have, your gender and what particular type of oral sex you engage in. While it is not my duty to condemn those who engage in oral sex, I must warn that there are dangers in doing so.

Perhaps your girlfriend's former lover found her to be too freaky and he realised that the relationship was not healthy. You need to consider what is more important, serving God or keeping this woman as your girlfriend. Make up your mind. Perhaps she may change if you are able to convince her to attend church with you. She has already told you that she is not ready for church, but you can still try.

You also want to know if there is a way a man can know if his woman is cheating on him. If a woman is always complaining that her man cannot satisfy her, she may be telling him in a roundabout way that she has to find another man to meet her sexual needs. When a woman is always complaining, she is sending a message and that message is that she is either cheating or about to cheat on him.

Pastor