Got pregnant on Christmas Day in hotel room

Dear Pastor,

I am the mother of two children, a boy and a girl. They are for different men. I am 27 years old. My first pregnancy was not planned. In fact, none of my two children were planned. Every time I think about Christmas, I remember I got pregnant with my first child on Christmas Day in a hotel room.

I went to a party with a man at the hotel and he convinced me to stay with him, so we booked a room, and that was it. I was not on the Pill. We did not have condoms. Those things were not even on my mind. Looking back, I believe I was half-drunk. When I woke up I was in the nude, and this man was also naked. We looked at each other and I was embarrassed. I found out afterwards that some of my friends tried to stop me from drinking so much, but I wouldn't listen. I was dancing up a storm.

My best friend told me that she tried to tell me that we should go, but I didn't listen. I don't remember that. I found out after that this man who captivated me that night was married. We never had a conversation about whether he was married. He was an honourable man because he gave me his number and his two addresses. I met with him twice after the party and I was prepared for him. He had condoms, but that was too late.

When I called him and told him that I had missed my period, he asked me whether I want to keep the child if I was pregnant and I told him no. He said I should think about it because although he is married, he and his wife do not have children. I thought about it long and hard. I also encouraged him to tell his wife what had happened and he promised me that he would. He later called me and told me that his wife is very angry with him, but she has assured him that she would forgive him. I spoke to his wife and she assured me that she has forgiven him, and she would take the child if I was willing to give her up.

I had my baby, but I did not give her up. This man has supported his daughter, but I registered her in my name. He supports her every month, but he is not leaving his wife to marry me and I would love to get married.

I am with another man now. We are in business together, but my daughter's father said he does not want his daughter to have a stepfather. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think he is saying that because he wants me to give my daughter to him and his wife. He is not poor. His wife has a very good job and he, too, is in a very good job, so my daughter would be well supported.

The man that I am living with would be crazy to touch my daughter, but I know anything can happen. Please give me your advice.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

I hope that you have learned your lesson, and that lesson is simply that one should only drink alcohol in moderation and one should always be in control of one's self at all times. This man you met at the party never told you he was married. He gave you the impression that he was single and he just wanted to have a good time with a woman, so he did not tell you the truth about himself. A man should not lie; he should always speak the truth. But even if this man had spoken the truth, you were so intoxicated that you would have gone with him anyway.

At least this man told his wife the truth about you and he accepted paternity. I cannot encourage you to give up this child to her father. You should get legal advice, and, in fact, you should ask yourself this question: Why would you let your child go and live with her father and a stepmother?

You are able to support her with the money you get from her father. I will not encourage you to give her up at all. This concern that her father has about your daughter and her stepfather should not cause you to want to give her up. It is your duty as a mother to take care of your daughter. Not all stepfathers would abuse their stepchildren. So, don't allow his concerns to get you to do what you do not wish to do.

Pastor