I dumped my atheist boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old and I am living with my father. My mother gave me to my father when I was one year old. My mother wanted to leave Jamaica after I was born and my father did not agree, but she said she was not staying because Jamaica was too hard.

My father told her that if she did not plan to stay in Jamaica, she should have made that clear to him because he wanted a family. My father said my mother took me to his mother, and my grandmother took me and began to care for me. My father gave up the house he was living in with my mother and moved back home with his mother. So, I don't know much about my mother.

Now that I have grown up, my mother is trying to be nice to me. She says everything my father and grandmother told me is true. She has another daughter, but that daughter is not doing well. She started to take drugs from the time she was 12 years old. One day when my mother was talking to me, she broke down and cried.

My father is so proud of me. I am now attending university and I am a Christian. My grandmother took me to church on Sundays. My father does not attend church, but he gives me my offering to put in my collection plate. My aim is to become an engineer, and my father is pushing me to do my best.

I met a guy who loves me. I went out with him twice, but I see that this friendship could not go far because he does not believe in God. He said he doesn't understand how I can believe in God. Although my father does not attend church, he is not an atheist. I talk to my father about him and he told me he doesn't want to meet him, and I should not keep him as a friend. My father said that he would lead me into the wrong path. I took my father's advice and I ended the relationship.

The guy is telling me that I misunderstood him, but I know I did not misunderstand him. There are several other guys who are trying to date me, but my grandmother says she doesn't want anybody to spoil me, and my father said the same thing.

There is this big man who works on campus. He is always putting himself in an area that I must see him. He has offered to buy me lunch many times, but I told him that my father has given me lunch money, so I am alright. From what I heard, he is always trying to get involve with students, but I am too smart for him.

My father has a girlfriend. I like her. She said that when she and my father gets married I should come and live with them. That is a no-no for me. I would never leave my grandmother, unless I get married. And even so, I would not put my husband ahead of my granny.

Sometimes I feel for sex, but I have never had sex; I am still a virgin. However, when I am with my friends on campus and they are talking about men, I join in the conversation and pretend as if I am sexually active. One of the girls in the group is very bright. She is not Jamaican. She said she had sex with two different guys in one day when her roommate was not there. I was so shocked, but the other girls laughed and wanted her to tell them more about that. I found the conversation disgusting, so I walked away and told them that I hadwork to do in the library.

My father is planning to buy me a car. I told him that he should use the money that he would use to buy a car to continue building his house. My grandfather has given my father a plot of land and he is building the house on the lot. I am hoping to get a visa and study abroad. My father is the only child for my grandparents. His girlfriend comes from a big family. She always encourages me to ask my father why he won't marry her. I told her that that is not my business. My grandmother doesn't seem to like her. She said she was too popular at one time, and she is older than my father.

A.

Dear A.,

I am glad that you are a Christian, and although your mother abandon you, so to speak, and went abroad, your father and grandmother nurtured you and gave you all the support that you needed as a child.

You had good training from your grandmother. She did not only send you to school, but she took you to church and you became a Christian and committed yourself to Christ; and you can proudly say that you are a virgin.

Sometimes when some young people are attending university, they become loose. They get involved with men, but you have not done so. Even some of your friends who are attending school with you have told you about some of the steamy sex that they have engaged in. Some girls don't have any shame. You don't have to engage in such acts to prove that you are a liberated woman.

The man who is showing interest in you on campus, if you do not like him, ignore him. Your grandparents hold you in high regards. Don't let them down. Remember, it is not for you to ask your father why he would not marry the woman with whom he is having an intimate relationship. Your grandmother would have spoken to him about her on many occasions. Leave them alone. You are a good girl. Your father has offered to buy a car, but you would rather he put the money in the house he is building. That house may eventually become yours.

Pastor