Girlfriend ashamed I am a higgler

Dear Pastor,

I am a 29-year-old man and I am living with my child's mother. We have been together for five years. I lost my job, but she is still working.

We do not pay rent because we are living at my parents' home. The condition is not ideal, but we are trying to make the best of it. My child's mother is always threatening to leave me if I don't get a job soon. I have been promised a job, so I am looking forward to that. But what I cannot take is the daily nagging.

I go out with my mother and assist her with her buying and selling. My child's mother calls me a higgler. People who know us mock her when they see me on the street. I prefer to work with my mother than to not be able to buy sugar. I don't demand anything from my woman. I don't ask her for anything.

One day when she was upset with me, she told me that I could not even buy her a panty with what I make. I told her that that might be true, but I was able to buy myself my underpants. My mother treats my girlfriend very well. My girlfriend cooks her own pot, but sometimes my mother cooks and offers us dinner. My mother's favourite dish is curry goat, but my girlfriend cooks mostly chicken. Sometimes when I eat from my mother, I don't eat what my girlfriend prepares. Sometimes she quarrels and tells me that I prefer my mother over her. The truth is, I do prefer my mother over my girlfriend because I can only have one mother, but I can get another girlfriend.

I appreciate that whenever she is talking to me about moving out, my parents do not hear. They would think that she is ungrateful. I don't care what people say; I am not ashamed to help my mother. Sometimes I go with a friend, who has a van, and we buy produce and and sell. I can tell you that these things have really helped me. I am thinking that if I had a van, I would go on my own and buy goods and sell. Therefore, I would not work for anybody.

I am not planning to leave this woman because, apart from her being miserable at times, she is a good woman. Please tell me what you think.

B.L.

Dear B.L.,

I hope you appreciate the fact that your child's mother is doing her best, but she would occasionally think about living at her own place and turning her own key, so to speak.

You have to appreciate that it is just natural for her to want to live in her own place. But she should be careful not to behave as if she is ungrateful to your parents for allowing her to live at their home and be a part of the family.

Although you say that you prefer your mother over your woman, you should be very careful about what you say. Yes, it is true that one can only have one biological mother, but regardless of how close he is to his mother, there will come a time when he will have to leave her and cling to his woman. So don't you ever tell your lady that you can always leave her. She would be greatly insulted. You are a wise man. Although you are not employed by anyone, you are doing your best to help to support the family by assisting your mother and earning a very small income. Perhaps the day will come when you would be able to buy yourself a vehicle and go into business on your own. In the meantime, keep strong and do your best. Watch what you say. Take care of your lady the very best you can.

Pastor