Tired of men cheating on me

Dear Pastor,

I have been in a relationship with a guy for four years. The relationship was going well for most of the time, and he was mostly a sweet guy.

He lied to me about things such as his marital status, but he came clean after he got a divorce. He told me that he was separated from his wife and wanted to be in a relationship with me, but was waiting until his divorce was finalised to tell me. I saw the divorce papers, so I knew that the divorce is official. I forgave him.

A year ago, I got a job to work overseas for a year and we decided to give the long-distance relationship a chance. There were some challenges, and the time difference made it hard for us to communicate. However, we survived and I moved back to Jamaica when the contract ended. When I visited his house, I suspected that he was cheating because I saw female shower gel in the bathroom; he said that it was his. He assured me that he was being faithful and that he loved me. A few weeks later, a lady called me on WhatsApp because she found my number in his phone. She told me that she was his girlfriend and they had been in a relationship for a year. She even provided pictures and videos as proof. She broke up with him and said that I could have him. I broke up with him also. She even spent weekends at his house on several occasions.

However, he has been calling and messaging me, saying that he will do anything for us to get back together. He said he was not in love with her and he started out just talking to her because he was lonely. The girl provided messages where he professed his love for her and that they were thinking about starting a family. He said he wants me back and wants me to forgive him. We had plans of starting a family and he still wants us to do so. According to him, the affair was a mistake.

Do you think that he can change? Or do you think I am being a stupid girl for wanting to give him another chance? I was in two other relationships before this one and both guys cheated on me. Is this a trend? Does this mean that all guys will cheat? I am tired of starting over. However, I think this guy will cheat again. Do you think it is possible for him to remain faithful?

Please give me some real advice, pastor. I need some guidance. Thank you.

S.G.

Dear S.G.,

Not everybody will believe what I am about to say, but I am going to say it to you nevertheless. Liars can never be trusted.

Even if they are speaking the truth, one should not accept what they say unless one can verify what was said. When this man met you, he lied from the beginning of the relationship. He did not tell you that he was married. He made you believe that he was single. He is a liar.

While you were abroad, he was involved with another woman. I am sure he lied to her, too. He never told her about you. So she thought that she was with a man who was totally free and that she was the only woman in his life. You would be a fool to take this man back into your life. You shouldn't believe anything he says. If you renew your relationship with him, it is unlikely that he would drop the other girl. If he did, he may find another woman. This is not a man you should trust.

I know you may not accept what I have said, but it is up to you to walk away from trouble, or go back to him and face conflict. You talked about two other relationships you had and the men cheated. You have to pray and ask God to help you to meet a man who will be true to you and love you. Basically, some men like the idea of having more than one woman, and because some say that men are in short supply, some women settle for anybody. You shouldn't settle for just any man who comes your way. Put a high premium on yourself.

Wait on the good Lord; he will meet your needs and give you a good man. That is my prayer for you. I wish you everything that is good.

Pastor