Girlfriend upset dad dating girl her age

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am a 23-year-old man and I have a girlfriend who is 20. She is living with her father. Her mother left for America when she was 15.

She got married in America, but she told her child's father that she didn't love her husband, she only married him because she needed his help. She promised her child's father that she would come back to Jamaica and marry him as soon as she was straight.

This girl told me that she didn't even want to see her mother, because she hardly sends her anything even though she is working. She promised to send barrels for her, but she has never done so. Her father has taken very good care of her. He has worked very hard and sent her to high school; she now has six subjects. Her father says that he doesn't want her mother any more. Even if she should come back to Jamaica and stay at the house, he would not touch her.

Everybody wants to go to America, but not my girlfriend. She wants to stay and help her father. I am attending school to try and get some more passes, because I only have three subjects. I want to marry her. When I get some more subjects, I want to be a mechanical engineer. Both of us are from poor families, but she is better off because her father built his own house. He bought the land and he has built a three-bedroom house. This girl has her own room with her own bathroom. My parents are still living in a board house. I have two sisters and two brothers.

Here is a problem that my girlfriend is having. Her father is now friendly with a girl who is only two years older than her, and she told her father that that is not right. Her father is 41. She says that sometimes when this girl comes to see her father, she tries to take over everything. She has spent weekends at the house but when she is gone, her father is so nice to her, like a different man. My girlfriend is worried because her father gives his money to this girl, who is not trying to find a job. She is always telling my girlfriend's father what she needs. Whatever she says she needs, he gives to her. What do you think of this relationship?

D.J.

Dear D.J.,

You say that you have a problem. What is bothering you about this man with his new girlfriend, or with your girlfriend and her father? I could understand that your girlfriend is concerned about her father who is having a 22-year-old girlfriend. But I am wondering why that should bother you.

Your girlfriend's father has made up his mind not to have anything to do with her mother, and he has good reasons for taking that position. Your girlfriend says she doesn't want anything to do with her mother because she has not treated her well. Her mother is probably struggling in America, although she is married. But that marriage appears to be a business marriage, and things are not going as she planned. She is probably struggling.

You are evidently an ambitious young man. You probably should contact HEART and discuss what you want to do, and they will advise you appropriately. Your girlfriend is not interested in going to America, at least that is what she says now. There are so many people who say that they would not want to live in America, but when they have the opportunity to go, they don't come back. If they come back to Jamaica, they don't stay. So she may change her mind as she gets older.

In the meantime, try your very best to work hard. You know what your plans are; and please do not get between your girlfriend, her father and her mother. I hope the day will come when she will forgive her mother for abandoning her, so to speak. I wish you well as you plan for the future.

Pastor