Boyfriend has too many children

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old and I am having a problem. I am the youngest child for my parents, so I am living at home. My mother calls me my father's pet. I don't hide anything from my father. When my mother is upset, my father is always very calm.

I have been having sex since I was 16 years old. My mother suspected that I was having sex and she asked me about it, and I denied it. At that time I had a boyfriend who was four years older than me. My mother did not like him. He used to come to the gate and call me.

One day when he came and called, my mother told him not to come back to her gate. She told my father that she suspected that I was having sex with the young man. My father asked me if that was true and I told him no. He asked me if I was sure and I told him that I would swear on the Bible that I was a virgin. He said to me, "Daughter, I have to accept what you say."

he has three children

He called my mother and he told her that she shouldn't accuse me of something that she could not prove, and my mother said, "She is my daughter and I am a woman, and I know that she is sexually active." I knew my mother was correct, but I started to cry. When my mother turned away, she said, "You think you can fool me? You could only fool your father."

I broke up with that guy. Now I am with this man who loves me, but he has three children with another woman. He told me that they are not in a relationship, but she comes to his house because of the children. He is 24 years old. I don't know what to do. I love him. My father told me that I should not make the relationship I am having with this man permanent because I am going to love to have my own children and he has three. If I have three for myself, that would be six children, and this man would have to be making lots of money to support so many children. I didn't see it that way, but since my father told me that, I have been thinking it would be better to leave this man alone. I would like to hear how you feel about that.

M.T.

Dear M.T.,

You are very fortunate to have an understanding father and I hope that you will not let him down. I hope that you will continue to honour and respect him.

Your mother declared that you cannot fool her because she is a woman herself. You knew that you were sexually active when she spoke to you and you knew that she was only trying to protect you from the 'wolf' you had got involved with. In shedding tears, you were only trying to cover up what you were doing. Perhaps your father did not fully believe you, but he did not want to embarrass you. Now that you are older, you have sought his advice on the relationship you are now having with this other man. I hope that you will take his advice and move on. You are still very young and you should give yourself time. Men are not running away and you may find a good one with whom you can have a long-lasting relationship. So, I wish you well.

Pastor