Husband doesn’t know I aborted his child

Dear Pastor,

Greetings in Jesus' name. I am writing about my husband. This man hardly comes home, even when he is not working. He is always out with his friends.

I know that he has other women, but he does not admit it. If he does not have another woman, why can't I be invited to go out with him sometimes? He is always telling me that he is going to somebody's wake or set-up. I know better, but he takes me for a fool.

We have two children. He is always busy and doesn't have any time to spend with them. He said I am their mother, so it is my duty to spend time with them and to take care of them. His boss is a woman. She calls on him all the time to do things for her, outside of his work hours, and he goes, because, according to him, he doesn't want to 'lose the little work'. This woman is married, so I asked him why she can't call on her husband to help her when she is having problems. He cannot give me a good answer.

When my husband goes out on a Friday night, he does not come in until Saturday morning; and I am here worried that something might happen to him. When he comes home, he does not even say that he is sorry for not coming home early. I tried to search his phone, but I can't even get into it because he has a password and I don't know it. I can tell you that he pays the rent and he gives me money to buy groceries, and he does not ask me how I spend my money. But sometimes I feel very lonely and I don't want to cheat on him. Not that it has not come to my mind, but I am not into that.

My husband is so busy that he doesn't realise that I got pregnant again with my third child. But I did not carry the pregnancy; I aborted it. I told him I was not feeling well and he asked me if I wanted to go and see the doctor and I told him no, it was alright. But I did an abortion using my own money. This is the first time I am saying it. The doctor and his nurse know about it, but my husband is such a fool that he does not even know. I don't feel guilty about it, but I hope I will not have to do so again. I know you will not condemn me, although you will not support what I did. Now that I have written to you I feel better. I will be looking for your answer in THE STAR.

N.

Dear N.,

I hate to say what I am about to say, but I will do so nevertheless. I have had to counsel women who have had abortions, but I have not told the men who impregnated them anything about it. But on the other hand, I have had to counsel women who pretended that they were pregnant and told their boyfriends that they needed money to terminate the pregnancies and the men gave them money. In fact, one young girl told me that her man was a policeman and when she told him that she was pregnant, he questioned her. She insisted that she was pregnant. He drove her to the doctor's office and she went in and spoke to the receptionist. The receptionist, who was in league with her, led her into a room. After the police officer drove away, she came out and left. That day she had ripped off the police officer.

What you did, I cannot endorse it. But you have to put that behind you and moved on with your life. You need to tell your husband that both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor, because if he continues to ignore you and his children, your relationship will crash. Please, if you do not need more children, see that you protect yourself from pregnancy. That's all I have to say at this time.

Pastor