Vagina itches since I cheated on my boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old woman. My boyfriend and I were living together for two years. We were trying to have a child, so we were having unprotected sex. He was 35 and he was eager to have a child. He has a brother who has three children. He said that when they meet as a family, he is always teased about the fact that he has no children. He said he lied by telling them he was not ready.

One day, his father asked him whether the fault was mine and he told his father that he was not sure. His father told him that I should get checked out. I went to a gynaecologist, who told me that nothing is wrong with me. She suggested that my boyfriend see a urologist. He was hesitant at first, but eventually went.

There came a time when he travelled to the United States for a while. I fell into difficulty in paying the rent and I was behind on my car payments. I got involved with one of his friends, who gave me money to cover my car payments. His friend suggested that when he comes back to Jamaica he could repay him. Another time I was short in paying my rent. I did not want to ask his friend for help again, because the first time he gave me money he told his girlfriend that he had helped me out. I was embarrassed when he told his girlfriend. So I asked another guy.

The other guy told me that he does not give women money for free. I told him I would pay him back because I was expecting to get my partner money. He came by my house during COVID. I was about to eat, so I offered him dinner. I asked him again for help. That man took out his wallet and said to me, "I have the money here. I don't want it back if I give you the money, but give me something for it."

I knew that he wanted sex. I asked him if he had a condom and he said no. We stayed together and he started to tell me how good-looking I am and having sex would be between us only. He said no one would know. I thought about it, then I decided that I will do it this one time.

The rent is $40,000 per month. When I started to have sex with him, it was painful, but the pains disappeared. He told me he would not discharge in me, but he did. I couldn't push him off me. A few days after, I felt itching around my vagina and I had to go and see the doctor. I was so scared. When I told him about it, he laughed and said that I did not get that from him.

Sometimes when I think that I have been with my boyfriend for the last two years and that has never happened to me, I feel disgusted with myself. The doctor prescribed medication and told me that this could have been passed on to me from a sexual partner, but it did not have to be. He told me what type of clothing I should wear, and that is what I have been doing. I have learned my lesson.

I have promised myself that I will never ask any one of these men for help in the future. I am expecting my boyfriend to be back before Easter and I am anxiously awaiting his return.

M.

Dear M.,

You must have been in very serious financial problems to ask the friend of your boyfriend for help. He told his girlfriend that he assisted you, but your boyfriend would have to return his money when he comes back to Jamaica and has settled down. He told his girlfriend because he wanted her to know; she would be like a witness.

On the other occasion, when you could not pay your rent, you turned to another man who made it clear to you that he does not give women money for free. Many men are like that. They want something for something, and the something that they want is sex. It would have been better if you had asked the person who is in charge of your partner to give you an early draw so that you could pay your rent. Or you could have sought a part-time work to meet your bills. That would not be permanent, it could have been for a short period of time.

This wicked man showed you that he had the money while he was at your house, but he wanted sex. Other women have told me that men have done that to them, even landlords. You yielded to him, you got the money, and he went about his business. When you experienced itching, you became worried that this man might have passed on a disease. Then you sought help from your doctor, who assured you that it did not have to come to you from having sexual intercourse, but from the very underwear you wear. I understand how worried you were. You have learnt your lesson.

Do not trust every man you know. And when you are broke, what you don't have, do without.

Pastor