Sister’s boyfriend eats everything in sight

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I hope you can help me deal with it. I am 29 years old and I am still living at home with my parents. My 27-year-old sister also lives with us. She does not like to work, and has depended on men to support her.

I have had to carry the financial load of the house. My sister got pregnant and the man who got her pregnant could not take her because his landlord gave him notice to leave. He was behind on his rent. My sister asked my parents if he could come and spend a week with us while he looked for another job and a place to live. My parents told her that she should ask me because I am the one paying for everything in the house. When she came to me with her sad story, I told her if it is only for a week, I would not object to it.

The man came and I observed that instead of him going out to seek a job, he is always locked up in her room. So I asked my sister what was going on. The first week she said he was not feeling so well. Then the second week came and the man did not make a move. We are at the end of the third week and I decided to approach him. He said he was promised a job and he would start working at the end of February.

My sister got a job to take care of a baby, whose parents drop her off on their way to work. I told my parents that we made a mistake to allow her boyfriend to stay at our house. My father asked him to leave, and my sister is blaming me. My father told her that she is a grown woman, so if she wants to depend on a man to support her, she must leave with him. They stop the couple from bringing the child to the house. She got another job as a caregiver to take care of a man, who is unable to move around. His children live in Canada and they are sending money every month to take care of him. She told the man's children that she would like her husband to stay with her because if anything happen and she has to take him to the hospital, she would need his help.

My sister gave the man's children the impression that she and her boyfriend were married and so they agreed for her 'husband' to stay there. This man has not been a good man. He eats out everything in the house. The man's brother visits him and his brother's wife is responsible for buying groceries. My sister's boyfriend eats most of the things that they buy.

They have been given notice to leave and again they are blaming me. The children of the man who my sister has been taking care of told her that their father is pleased with the care she has been providing. However, they do not want her man to continue to live there because he does not have any conscience. He is eating the things that were bought for their father and he does not provide anything for himself.

NO AMBITION

My sister and her boyfriend have accused me of telling the man's children bad things about him.

Pastor, I have not done any such thing. I can't like him because he is a worthless man and my sister is behaving as if she doesn't have any ambition. But what can I say? He is her man. My sister said that if he can't stay at the house with her, she is going to leave the job. My mother told me that this man has not helped her to buy anything in preparation for the child that she is expecting. This man has caused my sister and I not to be communicating as we used to. What do you suggest that I should do to bring back the harmony we used to have?

G

Dear G.,

Sometimes when a woman sees her sibling allowing herself to be used by a man, she can't help but wonder if they came from the same mother and father. You grew up together and your sister knows that you have been carrying the bulk of the financial burden but has not done much to help.

She has allowed her boyfriend to get her pregnant. He did not pay his rent so his landlord kicked him out and your parents told your sister that you must make the decision whether he can come to the house for a short period. The man was so foolish, he did not try his best to seek a job in that period. In addition, you sister did nothing to force him to get a job. Your father decided to ask him to leave and you got the blame.

Your sister is a liar. When she got the job as a caregiver, she told her employers that she was married. I suppose she did so because she was pregnant. This man was allowed to stay in the house with her, but he did not provide anything for himself and for your sister. He ate most of what was provided by the man's children for their father. I would say that your sister is very simple. She should have known that such a man would not be tolerated long in the people's house.

You say that they are blaming you. What do you have to do with that? If anybody is to be blamed is your sister. She has been very careless with herself and she has a good for nothing man. Regardless what you say now to your sister, it would not help. She has to come to herself and realise that she has chosen the wrong man. She should stop lying and giving the impression that he is the greatest thing since sliced bread. You may continue to love your sister, but continue to love her from a distance.

Pastor