Father disappointed that I got pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I have a boyfriend who is very helpful to me. We are both 19 years old. I am living with my parents and my grandmother. I have my own room and my own entrance.

My father is a taxi driver and my mother does higglering. My grandmother goes to bed early, so sometimes when I want to see my boyfriend, I time my father. I know when he goes to country on charter work, and when he is not going to be home early. Sometimes when people charter him and it is not a full trip, he asks them whether he can take my mother with him. Most times the people say yes, and most charters are on a Sunday. So my mother gets up and cooks, so that she can take food for my dad and her.

My boyfriend comes to see me while my grandmother is sleeping. She does not see well. When I know he is coming, I do not lock the back grille, so he comes in and I turn off the lights; but I turn up my radio. Someone once told my father that he saw a man coming into our yard. My father asked if anybody came to see me at that time and I told him no. He asked me if I was sure and I told him yes. But that was my boyfriend. I was taking chances, but that was the end of the story.

The bigger story I have now is I that I am three months' pregnant and I don't know what to do. I am in school. My boyfriend says that he can't manage a child, so I should 'throw it away'. I was surprised when he said that. I told my grandmother that I was pregnant, but I didn't know how to tell my father or mother. She said she got pregnant for the first time when she was my age, so she would talk to my parents and I should keep my baby. I cry every day.

She told my parents when I was not there. My father was upset with me because he wanted to find out if it was the same guy the lady saw coming out of the house. I did not answer him. He demanded an answer and my grandmother told him, "It doesn't matter." Now I have an unplanned pregnancy. My boyfriend is now coming around and saying that he will be doing his best to support the child, and his parents will also do their best to help me. My father stopped talking to me for a whole week, but he is talking to me again. The condom broke while my boyfriend and I were having sex and we didn't realise it.

F.W.

Dear F.W.,

I am glad that your grandmother encouraged you to carry the pregnancy, and I believe that she will assist you. She made a pledge to assist you in taking care of the child. You have let down your parents, but your grandmother has talked to them about the situation. I hope that you will continue to go to school and work toward a career after you have given birth.

So many girls, when they want to be with their boyfriends, pretend to be ill while their parents are away attending church or a funeral, or some other event, and these guys come to the house, have sex with them and get them pregnant. Parents thought that these girls were saints and they wouldn't do certain things. But when girls feel for sex, they will use every opportunity to get what they want.

Pastor