American wife refuses to divorce me

Dear Pastor,

I have been trying to contact you for a long time, but friends have told me that the best way to communicate with you is by writing, so I am trying my luck now.

I am a 40-year-old man and I have been living with a woman for three years, but I am having some problems. I lived in America and I got married over there. I have two children with my wife. I got into trouble over there, so my wife decided that she did not want me around. She was older than me, so my relatives told me I might as well return to Jamaica. They put my fare together and I returned to Jamaica. We have a family house here, so I repaired the house and my brothers helped me to get things going. The people in the area don't know that I was married in America. Everybody I talk to believes that I did not like America anymore, so I came home.

I got into farming and that is what I have been doing since I returned to Jamaica. I got involved with another woman. She is in her late 30s. I also became a Christian, but my wife in America has forgiven me for what I did there. I told her that there is no future between us, and that I have a woman friend. She told me that she got involved with another man, but my children don't like him, so she wants us to make up. I told her to go ahead and divorce me, but she said no, she is not going to divorce me, and she is not willing to sign any document to give me a divorce here in Jamaica.

Pastor, the time has come for me to be free. I have not even mentioned it in church that I was married in America. It took me a long time to tell the woman I am living with that I am married. When I told her, she doubted me and said I was telling her that because I didn't want to marry her. But I do. She treats me very well. We don't have a problem living together. She cooks my meals and she takes care of the house. I know she is a little jealous, but I can deal with that. But I will like to know what I can do to be free from the woman I married in America. So please give me your advice.

S.P.

Dear S.P.,

Many people think that by refusing a divorce petition, they are punishing the person who has filed for it.

But I would like you to know that that is a delayed tactic that your wife is using. If you are determined to divorce her, she cannot prevent you from doing so. What you need to have is a lawyer who will lead you every step of the way. You will need your wife's address, and that I am sure you have.

As I write this letter, I am thinking about a woman who left her husband here in Jamaica, went to America and filed for a divorce. She told her lawyer that she did not know where to find him, but the woman was a liar because the man's address had not changed. It was published in the newspaper that they were trying to find him, and it was someone who saw his name published who alerted him, and that is how he realised that his wife was divorcing him.

So, brother, things have changed. You will get a divorce if you are eager to get one. I hope that things will be better for you the second time around.

Pastor