Is honesty really the best policy?

We are taught as children that honesty is always the best policy, but is it really? When it comes to being in a relationship can we be truly honest with each other? From infidelity to just plain lying, human beings seem to have a real issue being truthful. From the day two persons meet, the lies start.

The Representative

The first date starts off with both parties being on their best behaviour because they want to create a good first impression. From the way they dress to their impeccable manners, every effort is made so that the real personality is hidden. In the words of popular comedian, Chris Rock, the real person is never at the first date; instead they go as their representative (the better version of themselves).

What's your number?

Certain details are not disclosed honestly when individuals in a couple discuss them. For example, men often ask the new woman in his life: How many lovers have you had in the past? Most of the time when she answers this question, it is absolutely a lie. Furthermore, no matter what number she answers, it will sound like too much to him. Most women don't give the number of lovers she's had, she gives the number of "relationships" she's been in instead just because it sounds better.

Lies of Omission

Is it still a lie, if you just leave out certain details? People have conflicting opinions about the lie of omission. But let's look at a specific situation, would you have a problem if your partner didn't disclose that they had been engaged in a previous relationship? Well it is clear that the relationship ended, but does it matter that this specific detail is kept from you? For some persons, this is a deal breaker because this person was almost married at some point. For others, it's not a big deal since the relationship has already ended.

Honestly, as I get older, I realise that honesty may not actually be the best policy in all situations, especially in relationships. We live in a society where people have various expectations and experiences that shape the way they interact with each other. There are still men who cannot handle a woman who makes more money than he does, so women lie to keep that from him. There are women who cannot handle the fact that their man has several lovers, so he hides that from her. Human relationships are complex and sometimes people choose to keep certain things from the ones they love with the best intentions. Just remember that our choices have consequences, so be aware of the consequences of the lies you tell. In the words of the old adage - what's in the dark must come out to light.

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Question

Dear Dr. Sexy,

I just met a man about two weeks and we have a lot of fun together. I really like him, but I think he has another woman. I want to get married and I think he may be the one, but I don't know how to tell him that. How can I tell him I want to get married and I don't want him to waste my time if he is not interested?

Lisa, Papine

Dear Lisa,

Slow down; enjoy the fun of getting to know each other. I know you want to get married, but don't rush the process; it's only been two weeks. Sometimes we are so focused on the destination that we forget how important the journey is. You can ask him how he feels about getting married later on in your relationship. In the meantime, relax and stop worrying about it.

Good luck,

Dr Sexy