My miserable husband is driving me crazy

My miserable husband is driving me crazy

Dear Pastor,

I am 32 years old and my husband is 39. We have been together from I was a teenager, but got married in 2012. We have three beautiful children. He is a wonderful provider and father. I don't have problems with him cheating or lying, but my biggest concern is his behaviour sometimes. He is a miserable man who quarrels over everything regardless how simple it is. He is old-fashioned and believe that women are supposed to do all the house chores. I am always willing to take care of my house and the kids, but sometimes it gets overwhelming and the hurtful part is that he still comes home to find faults with what has been done.

We are coming from humble beginnings where I can remember being hungry while with him. However, we both worked hard and he now has his own business with aid from me. I do my own little business in the community. Pastor, my husband is so angry sometimes and as soon as he enters the house in that way, the kids signal to me that he is angry again and we all just keep out his way. He is not physically abusive, but he is loud and talks sometimes that others hear him.

I love him dearly, but I am so unhappy at times. He will make me sad and then after a few days he comes back around and is the sweetest person. I know he loves us a lot. I suggested to him that we go see a family counsellor, but he refused to, saying that he is going to change, but the cycle goes on and on. I am considering leaving him and going abroad for a while. He doesn't know, but I can't deal with it anymore. He has made tremendous sacrifices for me so it's hard to leave, but I think my happiness and sanity should take first place.

What says you on this matter, pastor?

P.J

Dear Pastor,

Evidently your husband is working under great stress and he is not even aware that his behaviour is affecting you. You have pointed out a number of things to him, but it is not all men who listen to their women. Here is what I like about your letter. You say that you love him and you are convinced that he loves you too. You have described a good man, a loving husband, father and a good provider. It is not many women who would describe their husband as having such qualities. Many are cruel and self-centred, so I would say to you, do your best to keep your marriage.

I repeat, this man is under great stress and he needs to learn how to manage his time and life in general, so he needs professional help. He tells you he would change, but he needs someone to help him. Both of you need to see a family counsellor. You are under pressure too because you are trying to run your own little business, doing the house chores and taking care of the kids. You have your hands full.

I have a suggestion to make. Tell your husband that both of you should employ a day's worker. This person would come in to wash, clean and iron for two days or so and you would not be too tired for your husband. And when he comes home he will sense the difference. So, make the suggestion to him, but please, stay with your man. And you may even suggest to him that both of you should go on a vacation. Perish the thought of leaving your husband permanently.

Pastor