Brother’s girlfriend is very untidy

Dear Pastor,

I am 26 and I have three children by two different men. My oldest child was for a married man.

He treated me very well, but he couldn't marry me. The other two children were for a single man but he was only a man because of what he has in his pants. He doesn't know how to treat a woman. He was very mean. If I asked him for anything, he told me that I am working, so I should use my money. The only thing he gave me money to do is buy food for the children. He does not even want to assist me in buying clothes for them. I can't understand why the children love him so much.

I was living with him but I had to leave. He wants to control me. I would only allow that if he gave me money freely. My first child's father still gives me money and tells me to buy something nice for myself. I tell him that, if his wife should make the mistake and leave him, he wouldn't even have to ask me to come back. But I would not want to get back in his life the way things are now. I always wish him well. I would never go back to my other children's father. He is only good at sex. If sex was the only thing I wanted from a man, I would stay with him, but I have to think of my future. After I am satisfied in bed, I have to go to the supermarket, not only for my children, but to buy the things that I love to eat.

My mother has not been doing very well, so she is now living with me. My father was never good to her. Even at my father's age, he is still running around with women. Right now, his side chick and I are the same age and he is not ashamed to talk about where he takes her. He curses my children's father and says he is no good and worthless. But he is just the same way. I asked my father who would take care of him when he becomes ill, and he told me that he expects me to do it. I already have my mother. I told my father that I am going to get insurance so that I will have something to bury him when he dies. He was very upset. He told me I am calling down death on him. I told him I would like to have some money to pay for his funeral and take shame out of my eyes. I also told him that I know that his girlfriends are not going to stick around if he becomes ill. My father lives with a woman. They are not married. This man is eating and drinking and has a big belly before him.

The father of my two younger children is not thinking about his future either. Sometimes I ask him for help and he always tells me that he has no money. My brother and I have rented this three-bedroom house. I occupy two bedrooms with my mother and my children. My brother moved in his girlfriend. She is a nice-looking girl but she is very untidy. She does not know that, when she uses the bathroom, she must clean it up. When she eats, she does not wash the dishes. I talk to her about these things but it is nothing to her. I told my brother that he should tell her to clean the bathroom and not have dirty plates in the kitchen sink. He told her what I said, so, these days, she is always singing and throwing words at me.

G.F.

Dear G.F.,

It is unfortunate that you have to be sharing a house with your brother and his girlfriend.

She is a total stranger and now she is going to believe that you don't like her. What you do not like is her untidiness. You shouldn't have to tell her to clean up the bathroom or to wash the dishes and tidy the kitchen. There are some women who are very untidy. You were quite correct in asking your brother to speak to her about these things. If she does not change, you may have to try and find another place to rent, or your brother can move with her if he believes that he can deal with her untidiness.

I hope that you would continue to work hard and to support yourself, and, perhaps, one of these days you will find a man who loves you sincerely and would marry you and treat you well.

Pastor