My stepson needs a better wife

Dear Pastor,

I am 61 years old and my husband is 65. I have two children with my husband and he has an outside son.

This boy grew up in my hands. He was very respectful, very obedient and a good student. He worked very hard. His aim was to become a lawyer. He used to practise to speak like lawyers do. In school, the teachers used to ask him what was his opinion on matters. They would call on him and say "You are the lawyer, how do you see this and that?" Then he would give his opinion.

But this boy got messed up by getting involved with a very foolish girl. Nothing his father said to him could stop him from going with this girl. He always defended her. She was very loose. His father told me that his mother was just like that, and that's why when she got pregnant, he did not want to accept her pregnancy. Her name was being called with two or three different men, but he knew that he had sex with her. Eventually, he accepted her pregnancy and helped her. I don't want to call his name, but as a lawyer, he has done very well.

They say good men don't get good women, because right now, my stepson does not have a good wife. But he deserves to have a good woman in his life. Sometimes she doesn't even cook for him. Sometimes when he leaves work, he has to stop at our place and eat before going home. Or he calls me and asks what I am preparing for dinner. I tell him that he can just come straight over and I will prepare what he wants.

I asked him when he is going to divorce his wife and he says that he is planning to do so; it is a matter of time. But his Church is standing in his way. He listens to his father. I told his father that he should find time and counsel him. I feel very sorry for him. He believes his wife is cheating but he doesn't have any proof. She does not even want to perform her wifely duties.

S.N.

Dear S.N.,

Do your very best to help this man. You have been very good to him in the past - continue to do so.

This man should know that it might be time for him to seek the help of a family counsellor. If his wife does not even prepare his meals, it might be time for him to move on. It is good that you can invite him for dinner occasionally, but the man has a wife, and you should not try to take her place. Don't tell him to leave his wife; he will do so whenever he feels that the time has come for him to move on. But continue to show him that you care for him and that your love for him will never end.

Pastor