Not sure if I should be using sex toys

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you, but my fiance and I read your column often.

He is 25 and I am 22. We attended the same high school and our relationship developed there. He graduated before me but we became close at school. He said that, when he saw me, I was just a young rose. I didn't even know that he was admiring me. I was a good Christian girl. I cannot forget when we first kissed and I told him to go no further.

I went through university and I told him that I did not want to get pregnant until I was married. I had to have a postgraduate degree before we thought about children. He told me he could wait on the children part, but he could not wait on not having sex. We compromised and we started to have sex regularly. He has his place, so I often go there and help him to clean up his apartment and we cook and spend time together in bed.

I am doing postgraduate work and I am eager to finish because my body is talking to me. Common sense tells me that I should hold on, but it is so hard when I need my man and cannot relax. I really don't want to get pregnant and he does not want that to happen either. I need my education. A couple of times I have had to use sex toys, especially when I cannot see this man, but nobody knows that I have my toys. Am I doing anything wrong in using sex toys? Some people say that it is wrong for a Christian girl to use toys. I do not know how you feel.

I am living with my father. He has his woman. He did not marry my mother, who is working in America. She talks to me weekly. My father works with the government and he is always telling me to be careful. Recently, he bought me a new car for my birthday. I am so proud of him. His woman told me that she is sure that my father would not buy her a new car, so I am fortunate. But my father warned me that he has not bought the car for my boyfriend; it is for me. He said my boyfriend is a man and a man who drives a nice car will always have women. I promised my dad that my boyfriend would not be allowed to borrow my car to profile in it.

Do remember me when you pray.

- B.G.

Dear B.G.,

You have a good father. But let me begin by saying that many young women have been doing exactly what you are doing.

They are not eager to start a family. They are trying to get their education first because they realise that, with a good education, they will be able to have a better life. They will earn more and be in a position to meet their bills and live in areas that we may consider upscale.

I am not saying these things because I want you to believe that I am sanctioning the kind of life your boyfriend and you are living. You have chosen to have regular sex with him. I am not sanctioning that. You want to know, also, whether it is right for women to use sex toys . My answer is, that is not my business. I would hope, however that very soon, you would have your degree and that you will get married and your husband and yourself will start to have a family.

I wish you well. Take good care of yourself.

Pastor