Husband wants me to live in the US

Dear Pastor,

I am 44 and I am seeking some advice. I was married for three years. I got married when I was 25.

My husband and I lived together, but we accused each other of infidelity. I know that I did not have another man, and my husband said that I was accusing him wrongfully, but I knew I was right. He did not have just one woman; he had a number of them. He finally went to live in the US. We talked to each other often and I asked him whether he was going to divorce me. He said he did not intend to do so.

My parents helped me to buy an apartment. I am their only child. It was a lovely apartment. My parents lived in a three-bedroom house and suggested that I should return to live with them and rent out the apartment. I decided that was the best way to go. I told my husband and he said I would save plenty of money. I told him that whenever he is willing to divorce me, he should go ahead, but I will not divorce him because of my religious conviction.

My husband came back to Jamaica and my parents spoke to him. He told them that the Bible says when people are married, it is for better or worse. He admitted that he has got involved with other women, but if I forgive him, I would always be his wife. He spent a week and a half in Jamaica and we made up. I did not think that it would have been possible for us to get back together, but we did and it was like we had not parted.

The only problem now is that this man does not intend to return to Jamaica, and I have never had a desire to live in the US. At my age, I don't intend to start over, and that's how it looks to me if I should go to live there. My husband has fathered a child in America with one of the women I accused him of seeing. He came clean about that. But then he said that when I first asked him about the woman, nothing was going on between them - they became intimate after that. He has been supporting his daughter. I will not try to get between them.

He is planning to return to Jamaica in April. We have already made reservations at an all-inclusive hotel. How do you see this relationship? I have lived as a divorced woman, but I have never been legally divorced, neither was I legally separated. My husband told me that he purchased a house in the US by himself, so no one can claim anything. So if I came to the US, I should not have any fear about where I would live. I promised him that I would spend a week with him, because I would love to check out the situation. But I do not intend to move to the US permanently. I am anxious to hear from you, so please do not ignore my letter.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

You do not have any desire to live in the US. You are not giving up Jamaica, the land of your birth, and you have done well here.

Your husband finally told you the truth. What I admire is that the love between both of you is strong. You have never given up on each other, and now you are reconciled. I can imagine how happy your parents feel to see both of you back together.

It might be wise to talk to a lawyer in the US and have them advise you on the situation. Try and be on the safe side, so to speak. I wish you and your husband everything that is good. It seems to me that everything, and when I say 'everything', I mean everything, would be sweeter with each other than before.

Pastor