Wife left me because I became a pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am 52 and I got married when I was 23. We have three children, two girls and a boy.

I felt called to the ministry when I was 30. My now ex-wife was never in favour of me becoming a minister, but she eventually said if that is what I wanted, she would go along. She doesn't like people and the ministry; she told me that would take up too much of my time. She gave me the impression that she came around to the fact that that is what I wanted to do.

My bishop counselled us and used his wife as an example of what a minister's wife should be. I had a rural ministry, so sometimes my son would come with me and the girls would stay with my wife. If the children did not go to Sunday school, she would not insist. When I was not in the city, she hardly attended Sunday school or church. When I asked her why, she told me she didn't feel like going. I went back to see my bishop, and he called her in and begged her to cooperate. She told me that the relationship will not work, but she tried. The bishop asked her if she has seen somebody that she loves, and she said no.

But while we were travelling home, she told me that she saw somebody who loves her and who she admires. But she would not let the bishop know that. She withdrew sex from me. I did not know what to do. So, I went to the bishop alone and I asked him what he would do if he was in a similar situation. He told me that as the head of the organisation, he cannot tell me what to do, but he knows what he would do. I gave notice to the bishop that I would resign the pastorate because I could not control my home. The Bible says if a man would be a leader in his church, he has to control his home.

To make matters worse, when I came home at nights, she did not even warm up my dinner. I had to do everything for myself. I gave the church three months' notice, other pastors told me not to give up. I withdrew my resignation and the bishop told me I was doing the right thing. I stayed with my church and this woman finally left me. We were living in the church's house. The bishop helped me to get a scholarship to study abroad. While there, my wife served me divorce papers, which I did not contest. But I was told that she said I was running around with women abroad. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I would love to return to Jamaica to minister. I have not remarried. My children are doing well. They understood everything. I have good relationships with my children. I have been to Jamaica for church conferences and convention, and the people in our organisation have always greeted me and treated me well. Now, I have seen a woman I would love to settle down with, but some pastors are telling me that that will confirm that I am an adulterer. I know for sure that I am not. I would like to hear your opinion.

Truth seeker

Dear Truth seeker,

This woman divorced you. Earlier in the relationship, she told you that she did not feel that she could be a part of the ministry.

You were encouraged to enter the ministry because you felt that you were called. It is very sad that this woman really did not cooperate with you. The Bible says two cannot walk together unless they agree. This woman and you were unequally yoked. I know your bishop tried to keep your wife and you together, but the relationship had to come to an end because both of you were not meant to be together. No one should call you an adulterer. The divorce means that the marriage has come to an end. Now you are free to remarry; however, many do not see it that way and will always call you an adulterer. She is likely to be called that, too.

I would say to you, my brother, you are in your early 50s. If you believe that this young woman that you have been talking to recently loves you and you love her, marry her; and remember there is still a place in the ministry for you. Don't give up on your calling.

Pastor