My wife's daughter has been very disrespectful

Dear Pastor,

I am a 52-year-old man and I am having problems for a long time. I got married 20 years ago and I took my wife with a young child. I sent the child to school and gave her an education. When she became 13 she did something wrong and I tried to correct her, and right before her mother she told me that I am not her father and I should not talk to her. Her mother was standing right there and she did not say a word to her daughter. I was surprised because I sent this girl to prep school and she was in high school.

The mother told me that she did not know where to find her father. I did not question her. I had a son when I met this woman and, at times, I gave the girl more money than what I gave my son because I did not want her to beg anything from any man. Her mother did a little buying and selling, but she did not earn much. From that day, I never tried to correct her again.

My mind changed from her mother. I told her that she should have corrected the girl right there before me. She said she is a child and she did not know what she was saying. When she was 16, she would go out with her friends and come home late. I refused to put up with that behaviour. Her father and mother agreed to send her to live with a family member on the father's side, and when she came in to see her mother she would just walk pass me as if I did not exist.

Pastor, this girl is now pregnant and my wife is asking me to let her come back and stay with us. There is no way I will do so. She does not know who the father of the child is. That is what her mother told me. She did not have to leave here if she had manners. My wife says I am hard, but I am not hard. I consider the money that I spent on her as wasted money.

My own son accepted her as a sister and at his age he does not have children. Why should she go and get pregnant? She has no manners, and, excuse me for saying so, she must suffer. The relative she is living with wants her out of her house. She say she is lazy and does not even want to take turn in cleaning the bathroom. It is her mother who has spoilt her. Am I too hard, pastor?

S.H.

Dear S.H.,

I am begging you, forgive this young woman. Give her another chance. Your wife was wrong when this girl was rude to you. Her mother should have scolded her. She should have reminded her that she did not know any other father but you. I don't like to throw blame at anybody but I tell you, sir, your wife has failed her daughter. The girl was out of order, but give her another chance.

It is true that if you were to forgive her she is coming home with a stomach. She will soon bring an addition to the family, but I believe that she needs to be told that she must ask you for forgiveness for being rude to you. If she does so, take her back and show her love and show that little baby much love. If she refuses to ask you for forgiveness or to beg you pardon, don't take her back.

Pastor