My hubby cheating with young girl

Dear Pastor,

I am 41 years old and I have two grown children. My husband and I decided that we would leave Jamaica to give the children an opportunity to have a better life. I left Jamaica with the children and he continued to run our business. Our intention was for me to settle in with the children and for him to put up the business for sale and join us.

Soon after we left my husband started an affair with a girl in the community. I knew the girl very well. She used to come by the business but I did not realise that she was not there to do business. She was there to see my husband. I came back to Jamaica and spoke to the girl and my husband. He said nothing was going on between them but my relatives told me that she was sleeping with him. All the years we are together, my husband never treated me so well, so I became suspicious. He promised that he would be faithful to me and I did not need to worry.

Three months or so after I left and came back to the States I heard that the girl was pregnant. When I asked my husband about it he told me that it was true and it was because I am away things happened. He said that the girl had told him that she was on the pill.

He then asked me if I would take the baby and I told him over my dead body. The girl is willing to give up the baby. I could not deal with that, pastor. I cannot bring myself to taking that baby.

This girl is young and she knew what she was doing. I warned my husband so many times to be careful with these young girls. He said that if I love him I would forgive him but I can't forgive him by taking his baby. The children are very angry with their father at the moment, especially my son.

S.L

Dear S.L.,

This young girl and your husband knew what they were doing. Your husband knew that you heard that he was sleeping with this young woman. You asked him to stop and he said that people were lying on him. The good treatment that he was giving you was his way to get you to believe him, but soon after you were gone he was back to his old tricks.

I see no reason why you should take this child. Allow the young woman to take care of her baby and insist that your husband gives her child support. Don't tie yourself down with a baby. Your days for that are over.

Your husband and yourself need to see a family counsellor, so whenever you come back to Jamaica, make sure that an appointment is made. If he is still planning to come and live with you in the United States of America, the business needs to be sold as soon as possible because it is likely that while he remains in Jamaica the girl and himself might continue to have an intimate relationship.

Pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am writing with tears in my eyes. I am a long time listener of your show and I have read your column. I am very slim and I am of light complexion. People tell me that I am not my father's child. They say to my father that he has a jacket. I asked my mother who is my real father and she told me that my daddy is my real father. Even my boyfriend asks me who is my real father. He said he heard his mother with it.

My mother had five of us and I am the only one that doesn't have any resemblance of my father. Even my sisters say that I am their sister on their mother's side but not on their father's side. My mother told me that she has never had sex with another man since she met my father. Sometimes I want to believe her but when I hear my own sisters cursing me, I doubt my mother.

My sisters are jealous of me because I have broad hips and pretty hair. They do not show me any love.

N.A

Dear N.A.,

Accept what your mother has told you and do not allow what you are being told by your sisters and others to affect you. People call you a "jacket" but your father has accepted you as his child. He has never questioned it, at least to your knowledge. If your mother is lying you cannot do anything about that. Your sisters are jealous of you but you would like to live in peace with them. Do not embarrass your mother by questioning her about whether she was unfaithful to your father. Continue to be respectful to both your mother and father and ignore your siblings when they say unkind things to you.

Pastor

Dear Pastor,

I am twenty-six years old and I read your column whenever I can buy THE STAR but I listen to your talk show every night. I like to hear you laugh. I am living with my boyfriend and we hope to get married. Both of us attend church but he has some very nasty habits. Whenever I am talking to the brothers at church he gets very jealous and when we go home he likes to argue about it. I grew up in the church and I know everybody. He started to come to the church because of me and now he doesn't want me to keep company with them.

The ladies had a meeting and I decided to go the Wednesday evening and he did not want me to go. I decided that I would leave from work and go straight to the meeting. When I got home the man started to quarrel. Pastor, I got home at nine and the meeting started from six. I had to take the bus home. We don't have children. He could have started the dinner but he started to shout at me instead. I told him not to shout at me and he raised his hand to hit me. I told him he would be sorry if he tried.

Everything I have in the house is mine, so I told him he could go. He said that we should divide the furniture but he is still here because I refuse to divide the furniture. He did not put one cent when I decided to buy a dresser, the bed and a settee. He moved into this place with his clothes in a little bag. That was not a problem to me but he is trying to control every move that I make. I told him not to come back to church. He said I can't stop him and that is the truth but even as I write this letter my heart is racing when I look back at the things he doesn't want me to do.

My pastor had warned me about getting married to him but he didn't know that we were living together. I was hoping to marry him because I did not want to live in sin. He is begging me to forgive him but I don't trust him anymore.

A.T

Dear A.T.,

You seem to be a very intelligent woman. You know when a man wants to cooperate with a woman. If you had not loved this man you wouldn't have agreed to live with him but he is not cooperating. He is not behaving as an intelligent young man. Imagine both of you are not yet married and he wants to totally control you. Not that I believe that after a man is married he should control his wife. The point I am making is that the relationship does not even have any legal status and he is showing his bad colours already.

He is overly jealous, immature and insecure. He is not ready, throw him out. Why should you divide your furniture? Some people may say that he must have made some form of contribution. Perhaps he bought food, cooked and so on in the past but let me tell you, a good man would have walked out and not demand anything. He needs to go and start life on his own.

Don't allow any man to hit you. He attempted once and he might do so again. And by the way, you are not his helper. When you went to the women's meeting, instead of fussing he could have cooked you a lovely dinner and not tell you that you should not go back. He is an out of order man. I repeat, throw him out.

Pastor

Dear Pastor,

I must commend you on your professionalism and I must encourage you to keep up the good work. It's informative educational and motivational. Thank you, pastor, I love you endlessly. I can't talk about professional women. I can only speak about myself because these ladies are just too good to be true. You would be surprise to see and to know about the things they do.

Pastor, my body is the temple of God. I have a man of my own. I am not married but I am living the life of a married woman and loving it. I am a very intelligent and professional young lady.

M

Dear M,

Thank you for your encouragement. I am happy that you have enjoyed my work. It seems to me that you have found a good man. My prayer is that both of you would get married very soon and that both of you would be good role models in your community. You seem to be level-headed, so to speak. I hope that the good Lord will bless you and your gentleman. I wish both of you well.

Pastor

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DR. AARON DUMAS, P.O BOX 188,

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EMAIL: Pastor@jamaicastar.com