Boyfriend gets freaky when he watches porn

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and I have a two-year-old son. His father and I broke up. I got involved with another man, and we are living together.

This man does not want me to talk to my child's father, so he takes care of the child. He is a mason and lives in the same yard as his parents. So with their permission, he built a one-room house with his own bathroom and kitchen and now he is adding another room. His father is also a mason, so he is helping my boyfriend to build the room. He watches me all the time.

One day I asked him why he is always staring at me, and he said I am his daughter-in-law, so he must look. If I go to the supermarket or the nearby shop, by the time my boyfriend gets home, he can tell me where I went. I asked him how he knew that I went out and he said his father told him. Sometimes I wonder if my boyfriend trusts me. He said he does, but he cannot forget that I had another man before him.

I am not playing any tricks on my boyfriend because he is a good guy. He is 25. He likes to have sex. But he enjoys it more whenever he watches porn. There is no position that this guy hasn't put me in and he learnt them from watching porn. When I came to live with him, he used to use the condom, but he no longer wants to because he says he wants me to get pregnant. When he does, he says he will set the wedding date.

I don't want to get pregnant because I would like to do nursing, but I can't get him to understand that. I told one of my friends that my boyfriend wants to have sex with me bare back, and she said I should not spoil my relationship; I should always keep the morning-after pill. But I have had sex with this man and forgot to take the pill. I can tell you the truth. I was always against oral sex, but he has got me to like it so much that I have even 'swallowed'. I am glad that that cannot get me pregnant. What do you suggest that I should do?

This man brings home all the money he makes and gives to me. Whenever he needs money to buy material, he tells me how much he needs. He also tells me when he brings home money that I should take what I need. I had to beg my child's father for money but not this man.

V. S.

Dear V. S.,

I am glad that you are getting along well with this man's parents.

You say that the father is always looking at you, but you shouldn't allow that to bother you at all. You are living in the same house, and you are with their son. You are probably very conscious of that, and when this man is at home, you believe his eyes are on you.

I hope very soon you would move from the main house into your own place that your boyfriend is building. Your boyfriend must be a very good man. He brings all his money home and gives to you for safekeeping then he tells you to spend whatever you need. Not many Jamaican men would trust their women with all their earnings, so be wise. Write down everything. Have a special book, and record whatever he gives to you. Write down whatever you use for groceries, etc, and for your personal needs.

This man loves to have sex with you. There was a time that you were able to get him to use protection, but now he has told you that he is eager to get you pregnant. Your girlfriend who told you not to make it a big issue is quite correct. Any woman who lives with a man knows that he would want to have sex with her. I suggest that if you know that you are worried about getting pregnant, you should go to the doctor and ask for a prescription for the type of pill you should use.

Concerning the watching of porn, many counsellors and sex therapists say that couples who do that together may enhance the pleasure of their lovemaking. So I am not here to sanction or condemn what your man and you are doing. I am only making a general point. I hope that you will not allow anybody, including this man, to prevent you from focusing on your goal to become a nurse. No woman should allow any man, regardless of how much she loves him, to prevent her from pursuing a career.

Pastor