Boyfriend wants my parents out

Dear Pastor,

I am only 25 years old and I work with the government. My parents are very poor. I had to move them from where they were living. My mother has adjusted well living with me. I bought a two bedroom house. My father has not adjusted well but I like to see them sitting together on the veranda and enjoying their years. I am an only child. My father helped me to purchase this house.

I am having one problem and that is my boyfriend. We were not living together but we were sleeping together. I used to visit him. Now that my parents are here he seems to be upset about it. He cannot come whenever he wants to. I have to have respect for my parents. He does not have a convenient place for me to stay. He is sharing a house with another guy and his girlfriend. I spent one evening there but decided I would not go back. They are not very tidy. The bathroom is always filthy.

I told my boyfriend that he can buy a house and I would come there and live with him but he wants to live with me at my house and I should fix up my parents home in the country and let them go back there to live. My dream was always to see my parents live a better life. I would not even suggest that to my father. I prefer not to get married and stay here with them. I want to be close to my parents. Both have diabetes.

Sometimes I feel for a man and I know my boyfriend would come but I could never lock my door with a man in my room and my parents are around. My boyfriend cannot understand why. He said I am a grown woman. He is threatening to leave me. I have put a lot into this relationship. He is a man who doesn't pay back loans. He owes me $75,000. I told him to give me my money before he leaves. Every time he calls I ask him for the money. I don't intend to ask him for it anymore.

I do not want to see my parents suffer and I have made up my mind that if my boyfriend wants to go I will allow him. He tells me that I don't love him because I am putting my parents ahead of him but I don't care. I don't rely on this man for anything. I have been saying no to another man for a long time. If my boyfriend leaves me then my no will turn to yes. This man has his own house and would marry me but I have never cheated on my boyfriend.

R.G

Dear R.G.,

I congratulate you for taking a stand. You love your parents and you do not only love them but you respect them. They have struggled with you. Now they are living with you and you are happy. This man you call your boyfriend has really passed his place. How can he not appreciate what you have done for your parents? He should buy himself a house. Isn't he paying National Housing Trust? He is a man and should learn to fight his way through. He is out-of-order to suggest that you should repair the house your parents owned wherever it is and let them go back there to live.

Your boyfriend is not exercising common sense. He should appreciate how you feel about not wanting to sleep with him while your parents are living with you. If both of you were married that would have been a different matter but evidently he is not prepared to get married now.

It seems to me that the man who is always showing interest in you is about to get his desire. Perhaps it is time for you to show interest in him. Whether your boyfriend gives you back the money or not, don't hang around with him. It seems to me that he has nothing to offer you.

Pastor