I give myself oral sex when I am alone

Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old male virgin. I am not attracted to neither male or female. I have been disabled with my legs for my entire life. In my dream, I see myself hot and sexy. I then try to kiss myself and perform oral sex on myself. In the mornings, I wake up with cuts on my lips, obviously from my own action. During the days when no one is watching, I try to please myself by pulling my penis until I ejaculate. My little brother has a puppy; each time when he comes near me, I pet him. I find myself being sexually aroused. When my friends ask me about girls and sex, I just make up stories. I cannot help myself. I don't know what is wrong with me. Please help me, pastor.

A.S.

Dear A.S.,

I am sorry to hear that you are disabled. Obviously, in spite of your disability you consider yourself "hot and sexy". I am not sure what you mean. Perhaps you see yourself as attractive or handsome, but that is in your dream. A dream is not real. Sometimes when some people think about certain things, they go to sleep and dream about the things they were thinking about. So if you consider yourself hot and sexy, it would not be surprising if you see yourself that way in your dream.

I do not know how you perform oral sex on yourself. Perhaps you have a mighty long penis. And even if that is so, how can you perform oral sex on yourself? But who am I to question you? It seems to me that you are a depraved young man. You are even turned on by an animal. You need professional help, perhaps psychotherapy. I am therefore suggesting that you make an appointment to see a psychiatrist and that you do so quickly.

Pastor