I rejected him, now I want him

Dear Pastor,

First of all, let me commend you on the marvellous work you have been doing. I am a regular reader of your column. I am 24 years old and I have been having a serious problem. I would like your advice on this matter. At the age of 21, I met this young man who was quite interested in me. He would treat me as though I was his world. I was and still am a Christian, but he wasn't. I really loved him, but just as a friend. I was not in a relationship when we met but, over the years, I went in and out of relationships with guys who weren't Christians. He would always be there for me, telling me he is ready for a relationship whenever I am ready. But I could only think of him as social a friend. I eventually became single (stopped playing around with other guys) because I wanted to focus on God and I got tired of entertaining guys who were not what I wanted them to be. As time went on, he eventually got a girlfriend and even though our friendship was getting weaker, I was always happy for him and his girlfriend and just continued to love him as a friend. However, one night I had a dream about him and everything went downhill from there. Every day and every night I can only think of him, and I keep wondering if I would regret not giving him a chance in my life. I try my best to take my mind off him, but seeing happy couples together don't make it any easier. I have tried not to contact him because I am trying my best to let go. Even if I do contact him, I will never mention how I feel because he is now happy in his new relationship. I don't want to be seen as the bitter friend. But I can't stop thinking about him and maybe how I would have been happy had I given him a chance. And I am also thinking that maybe he would have eventually given his life to God. I am so confused. I can hardly focus on my everyday business without the regrets of not giving him a chance lingering in my mind. I cry so often over it because I want to forget the regrets. But every time I try to forget him, he keeps coming back, and it is haunting me to the point where I want to block out the world and everyone in it. I have prayed about it, but maybe I am not very strong. I anxiously await your response. May God continue to richly bless you.

T.R.

Dear T.R.,

This young man showed interest in you when you were younger. You rejected him and you could not see yourself having him as a serious boyfriend and one with whom you could live with as a husband. You considered him as a social friend and you played around with many other guys. In the meantime, this guy was appealing to you for a serious relationship, to no avail. Now that this guy is happy with another woman, you want him. He wasn't good enough at one time for you but he is good enough now. Get real. Keep yourself quiet. Do nothing to destroy this young man's relationship. You made your choice. Allow this young man to develop a strong and meaningful relationship with his girlfriend. Do not try to contact him. You say you want to concentrate on God; therefore, I would suggest that you not only pray but that you fast every week and ask God to remove this burning desire to be with this young man. You may even ask your church brothers and sisters to help you to pray.

Pastor