I can't control my daughter

Dear pastor,

I have a 16-year-old daughter and she is very rebellious. She is in high school and she likes boys. She does not come home early after school, she is all over the place. It took me a while, but I found out that my daughter is sexually active. When I realised that she was having sex, I threatened to beat her, but she proudly told me that beating will not stop her from having sex. I told her father, who is working abroad, about what she is doing and how she is back-answering me and he told me not to hit her.

Pastor, it is hard not to beat this girl. It is not just one boyfriend she has, it is a group of them.

I went to her school and the

teachers told me that she does her work, but she is weak in Math. When she came home from school, she wanted to know why I was at her school. She has no manners to me.

I bought her underwear and she said she only wears them because I bought them, but now she is a big teenager and she does not want to wear full panties anymore. If I follow this girl, I will get into trouble.

Pastor, two big women can't live in my house. I told her that I am her mother. It is her father who spoiled her. She is his only child. Even the cell phone that he bought her is not the type that little girl should carry, but I can't say anything.

I told her that I should have killed her when she was in my belly. So I blame myself for bringing her into this world.

L.W.

Dear L.W.,

Your daughter is not a little girl, she is 16 years old. If you continue to see her as a little girl and treat her as a child, she is going to rebel. I know it might be difficult for you to accept what I have to say. Try your best to control your temper. Be firm with your daughter, but don't threaten her, as she will feel that you hate her. She is out of order, but evidently, since becoming 16, she believes that she has a right to do whatever she wants to do.

Now that you know that she is sexually active, it would not be wise for you to curse her and to condemn her. Sometimes mothers make the mistake by believing that threatening is counselling. They say things like, "If you go out there and get belly, don't bring the belly in here."

Perhaps, what you should have done is to try to know her friends, including her boyfriend. You have to deal with your daughter as if she is a big woman. She doesn't care whether or not you know that she is sexually active. She doesn't respect you. The Bible says, "A soft answer turns away wrath." Try talking to her calmly and remind her that it is not only pregnancy she should try to prevent, but that she should also be concerned about STDs. Let her know that it is not wise for a girl to become sexually active when she is of a tender age because this can lead to cervical cancer.

Pastor