My wife is not interested in having kids!

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column. I thank you for your straightforwardness. I don't always agree with you but, as I see it, most times you are right on target.

I am a 40-year-old man. I go to church. I married a white woman from the States, who is 32. She treats me well and is very freaky.

Her freakiness got worse. Everything she saw on sex movies, she wanted to try. I kept up but refused to do oral sex with her, at first. One night she insisted she would do it to me. I allowed her. The more she did it, the more I trembled and liked it. I saw what I was missing.

After that she insisted I do it to her, so I tried. From that time, it is mostly that she wants us to do.

We don't have children but we have been married for four years. She is not interested in children as some women would be. Sometimes I ask her why she doesn't want to get pregnant. Before we got married she had promised we would have tried to have two children.

At 40, I am looking down the road. I would like to leave some of what I have to my children. She comes from a farming community and has nieces and nephews. She talks about them. Pastor, they are all white. Why should I leave what I have for her to give to them? Pastor, it's not that I cannot have children because I had a girlfriend who got pregnant, but she threw away the pregnancy because she was only 17. And her parents did not want her to carry the baby. They said it was going to affect her studies. When that happened, I promised myself I would not get another woman pregnant until I was married.

Now I am married, this woman loves sex but is not interested in children. We have everything, a nice house which we are still paying for, an apartment which I had bought before we were married, which is rented. I don't feel I should go out and father a child. My wife is tempting me to do so. My mother, who is 63, told me I should divorce her. As a Christian, I don't believe in divorce. Please, tell me what to do.

L.C

Dear L.C,

I suppose your mother is eager to have a grandchild from your marriage. You are eager, also, to have a child to call you Dad. Your wife should not wait until she is older to start having children. It is time for her to seriously consider having children.

It is evident you are frustrated. Perhaps crazy thoughts are going through your mind. You have settled down as a married man. You enjoy having sex with your wife but she seems to be too freaky for you. Perhaps I may shock you by telling you that if you don't try to keep up with her, she might burst your bubbles by going to another man, who will do the things she wants to do. When your mind is just on having a child, she just wants to enjoy sex. You are in trouble.

It seems to me that, what you need is a family counsellor to meet with your wife and yourself to explain to your wife that a child can bring big benefits to the relationship. Therefore, she should consider to start having children.

I say that because she is not taking you seriously. I understand why you would find it difficult to leave everything to your wife and her relatives if you do not have any children.

Though your mother might be anxious to see you have a child, please do not take her advice.

Pastor