My boyfriend lied about having sex with the helper!

Dear Pastor,

I am 23. My boyfriend is 28. I am from a large family. I have five sisters and three brothers. My brothers are hard workers. My parents taught us to work hard.

Three of my brothers are in farming and two are in America. All of my brothers helped me to go to university. When I was in university, I used to go home every chance I got. My boyfriend, who I have been with since high-school, and I are still going together. He and my brothers are friends.

One day, one of my brothers told me he doesn't have any ambition. He asked I have a man with no ambition as a boyfriend. I asked my brother what he heard.

He said it was rumoured my boyfriend was having a relationship with the helper at his house. I asked my boyfriend about it. He said he and the helper are just friends. I told my brother what had he said, and my brother said he was a lying.

I asked the helper. She said she had a boyfriend but had sex with mine once. She begged me not to tell him that she told me. She said she was only sorry for him because I was away, and he begged her.

Pastor, I cried because I really loved him. I could not tell my brother the helper admitted she had sex with my boyfriend. Until this day, he has denied having sex with her, so I don't know who to believe. Sometimes I wonder if she told me that because she wants me to leave him so she can get him.

P.R.

Dear P.R.,

What I am about to say, you might not accept, but it wouldn't bother me at all. I do not believe your brother has anything against your boyfriend but believes, as your older brother, he should let you know what is going on.

He could have said it's not his business what your boyfriend does. However, as your brother, he believes he is obligated to tell you what he knows.

I believe what your brother told you is true. He wasn't making up anything. The young woman has admitted they had sex. I suppose you made a big issue over what you heard, so the young man is scared to admit what he did.

Perhaps he will be prepared to swear on the Bible that he did not touch that girl. He doesn't want to lose you so he lied. I suppose he told the girl she should have denied it, too. So, whether you continue to consider him your boyfriend, is really up to you.

Are you angry because he had a sexual relationship with the young woman, a helper? If he had had sex with a person who does another type of work, would you been just as angry?

Are you angry because you believe he has 'stepped down' and you feel disrespected?

If he had had sex with a nurse, doctor, or some type of professional, would you been as angry?

Please, understand, I am not saying if he had sex with the helper it was no big deal. Whether you forgive him or not is up to you. Just remember your boyfriend is not speaking the truth and is likely doing so out of fear.

I suggest you discuss the way forward with your brother.

Pastor