Waiting to have sex

Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I am 18 years old. I am hoping to get married in a year. My boyfriend is away, but we are planning to be married either late December or early January 2017. My older sister has given me the books that she used when she was dating. She is now married. Sometimes when my boyfriend calls, I read to him some things that I have read in the books. We are Christians. I don't know if these things that I read I can practise.

My sister, who is married, is also a Christian and she says that Christianity does not prevent lovers from having a good time. She told me to plan wisely and to be a friend to my husband and not to listen to what people say. She is not telling me whether I should engage in premarital sex. I asked her if she did and she did not answer.

My boyfriend doesn't know this, but I had a guy when I was 16. We never had sex, but he used to finger me. I never made him have sex with me because I was afraid, but he would romance me and discharge. My boyfriend, who is planning to marry me, has never done that. He is a good kisser. I enjoy his kissing. Do you think that when he comes he will want to have sex with me, and what should I say?

P.V.

Dear P.V.,

Your sister does not want to tell you everything. Perhaps she feels if she said yes, you may take that to mean that she is encouraging you to do the same. And if you were to feel guilty after having sex you will blame her. You don't have anything to worry about.

Both of you are doing the right thing by

spending time on the phone and reading books that will help the relationship. Perhaps you should continue to do so. I wish you and this young man the very best. Let me hear from you again.

Pastor