My husband thinks he got the helper pregnant

Dear Pastor
I am 32 and I have been reading your column from I was much younger. While I was growing up as a child that was the first thing I read in THE Star.

Once you wrote about what a girl should take with her when she was going on a date, and that is what I took with me on my first date, and it worked out well.

If I didn’t have that with me, the guy would have gotten through but I did not allow him. And I later found out that he did not love me, he was just a player.

Pastor, I am now married, but my husband is not faithful. And he wants me to accept what he is doing and keep quiet.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I found out that he was playing around. We talked about it and he told me that he had only crossed over the line because of my pregnancy. So I told him I would forgive him.

My mother used to help me after I gave birth. She stayed with me for three weeks after I had my baby. Then she went home. But, she got a girl to live with us and to help me.

I did not expect my husband to get involve with this girl, but he did.

When she was leaving one Friday to go home for the weekend, she left a note saying she is not coming back because of my husband.

I got the impression that he was only fooling around with her, but I didn’t know that they had sex.

When he came home I showed him the note and asked him if he had sex with the girl, he took a long time and then he said yes.

I asked him when that happened and he said he did it in the wash room one day when I was taking a nap. I cried and cried and told him that I was leaving him.

I did not know that the girl told my mother that my husband used to get up and go into her room and have sex with her, and then come back to bed.

The young girl is pregnant. She suspects that it is my husband who got her pregnant. But, she is giving the child to her boyfriend because he doesn’t know that she was cheating on him.

She asked my mother for advice, and my mother encouraged her to tell her boyfriend that he got her pregnant.

I asked him if he discharged in the girl and he said he doesn’t know. I know my husband is lying, he must know if he discharged in her. How can a man not know if he discharged in a woman?

My husband didn’t show that side of him until I got pregnant. He was always with me, always at home after work. Now, I don’t know what to say.

My mind has turned against my husband, not because he had sex when I was pregnant, but because he went with the girl we had in the house to help me. That shows he doesn’t respect me.
M.N

Dear M.N
Your mother is trying to save your marriage and I am sure she would carry a guilty feeling if your husband and yourself would break up.

She brought this young lady to you, and your husband had an affair with her. She believes that she must take some responsibility for what your husband did.

She didn’t think that he would get involved with the helper, especially with you in the house. But, your husband is very weak towards women, so it didn’t matter to him who the woman was.

The helper did not have to consent. She could have reported your husband to you immediately. 

This girl knows the truth. And it would not be long for her to reveal the truth. She may keep quiet about it for a while, but if she decides to give her boyfriend an account of what happened at the house, her boyfriend may insist that a DNA be done to ascertain who is the father of the child.

I am really sorry to know that your husband has been so very careless and it is now causing you much pain.

Whether or not the child that the girl is carrying is his, both of you should make an appointment to see a family counsellor.

I know that you don’t plan to stay with him if he is the one who impregnated this young woman. But please take one step at a time. Go and see a family counsellor.

He or she will give you guidance as to the way forward.
Pastor