Don't want this man to 'mind me'

July 04, 2017

Dear Pastor
I am currently dating a man who is twice my age. I am 21 years old and currently going into my final year at university.

We met on a social media website and have been communicating via Skype and WhatsApp. We have been friends for almost three years.

We have been in an intimate relationship for about five months. This man has been very supportive of me financially and emotionally.

He is a counsellor and he has been helping me with sorting out some unresolved issues from my childhood.  He always motivates me and pushes me beyond my potential.

Sometimes I think he believes in me more than I believe in myself.

This man lives overseas. He says stimulating my mind is more important to him than having sex with me, so he is not in a rush to visit me.

We have decided that he will not come and visit me until I am finished with university, because he fears getting me pregnant. He says he does not want to mess up my future.

He will come to Jamaica for my graduation next year. I love this man but I fear that my family won’t accept him since he is so much older than me.

The place that I currently reside is not in the best condition. I am from the country and I cannot afford a more expensive place in Kingston.

This man wants to help me move into a better a place but I have refused because I do not want to be in a position where I am depending on him to pay my bills.

I am thinking that if things get sour between this man and me, how will I afford this new place on my own?

He says I need to stop being stubborn and allow him to make my life a bit better.

Should I go and look for a new place and allow this man to help me financially?
D.B

Dear D.B
I suggest that you tell this gentleman thanks, but no thanks. You know there are issues that you will have to deal with.

He is not living in Jamaica, and you do not believe that your parents would be happy about this relationship. Don’t move too fast. Long distance relationships are very difficult.

And although this man and you are communicating, you are far apart from each other. You cannot be sure that everything he is telling you is the truth.

Right now, you should stay exactly where you are living and study hard. You will not be living at this place forever.

You will graduate from university and you will be in a position to pay your own rent. So, I repeat, tell this man thanks but no thanks.
Pastor

 

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