My period ruined my honeymoon

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old. I got married in December of last year. My husband is not from Jamaica, but we love each other. I met him on my 21st birthday. My girlfriend told me that he is in Jamaica and she would like to take him to the party and I agreed.

When she introduced me to him at the party it was love at first sight. I felt for him and during the party. Every time my eyes caught his eyes, I could see that he was looking at me. After the party, we decided to meet again. My girlfriend suggested that we have a double date. She would bring her boyfriend and I would be with this man. She planned to pick me up, but he went and rented a car so that we can enjoy privacy without having my friend pick us up.

That night we went to eat and we went our way and my girlfriend went her way. This man couldn’t keep his hands off me and I liked it. We talked about everything, but I told him that we could not have sex because I did not know him long enough. We did everything else that was sexual, but I did not have him penetrate me.

After this man went back to his homeland he called me almost every day. Without asking him, he started to send me money, not only for myself, but for my mother. I live with my mother. He came back to Jamaica six months after he went home. He met my mother and some of my relatives. Then he proposed to me and I agreed to marry him.

After we got engaged, he stayed with us. My mother told me that she is not against us having sex, but I should not have sex with him in her house because we were not yet married. I told my mother that I will tell him. Then I told my boyfriend that we should go somewhere until he leaves. He said no, he would prefer to stay with me.

Pastor, would you believe that this man stayed with me for one week and we did not have sex?  We had a wonderful wedding last year and we were looking forward to a grand honeymoon and I spoiled it. On our way to the hotel on the north coast, I felt like something was happening. I could not believe. I told him that it appears that I am having my period. He said “Oh no”, but I was. By the time we got to our hotel room, my period was heavy.

My husband was so disappointed. He said that we should still do it, but I could not manage it. I took some tablets and I fell asleep. My husband left the room and went to one of the bars and drank all night. When I did not see him, I went to the bar and told him to come in. His eyes were red. I told my husband how sorry I was. He blamed me for ruin our honeymoon.

My mother told me that if I knew that my period was near, I should have told her and she would have informed me what to do to stop it for a while. I would like to find out if it is wrong for a couple to have sex when the woman is seeing her menstruation.

Thank you, pastor, for reading my letter.
R.R.

Dear R.R.,

Let me begin by saying that I am glad that you have found an understanding man. It is unfortunate, however, that on the first night of your honeymoon your period came and destroyed all the fancy plans that your husband and yourself had. Perhaps, in planning your wedding you did not even think about what may happen on your honey moon, apart from the wonderful excitement you were looking forward to have between the both of you.

Contrary to what lots of people believe, some doctors and sex therapists, etc, do not discourage couples from having sexual intercourse while the woman is seeing their menses. And some couples like it. What a couple has to understand is that there is no danger in having sex during that time. I must quickly add that I am not here advocating sex during the time that a woman is seeing her menses. I am only trying to answer your question by telling you what the professionals have said, and not only from professionals, but from women who often have sex during their menses.

Some say that they feel much sexier during the period. They are easily aroused and orgasm is more enjoyable. Those who practice to engage in sex during the period of menstruation have argued that experiencing orgasm during their sexual encounters reduces pain. However, there are those who think nothing is wrong with sexual intercourse during the period of menstruation. There are those who consider it gross and think that couples who engage in such practice lack self control.

Your husband could not handle having sex with you on your honeymoon night while you were seeing your period. Your husband was quite prepared to try to have sex, but you couldn’t handle it. 

I thank you for your letter because even among Christian women, this is often a debate whether it is right or wrong for a woman to have sex during her menstruation. As I see it, it is up to the couple and nobody should try to decide for them.

Pastor