One of my cousins got me pregnant - … But I don’t know which one

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you about a matter. I am 25 years old and I have one child. When I was 17, I was spending time with my aunt, who has three children; two boys and one girl. The girl was just a young child. The boys were grown up. We always fool around each other. The two of them had sex with me, different times while I was staying at the house. I did not know I had got pregnant until I missed my period.

My mother did not know that I was pregnant. I had a boyfriend in the country and he asked me if I had sex with anybody and I told him no. He told me that it seems to him that he got me pregnant. I started to cry because I knew that it was one of my cousins who got me pregnant. He was 30 years old. I asked him what he was going to do, and he said he would talk to my mother. He spoke to my mother and she cursed him and told him that he didn't have to get me pregnant. He owned the child and supported the child. My mother and grandmother took care of the baby and I went back to school.

This child has nothing for him. He has flat forehead just like my cousins. My grandmother always says that he resembles our side of the family. One day I told my boyfriend that I do not believe that the child is his. I lied and told him that it was my cousins who raped me and got me pregnant. But they did not rape me, Pastor, I had sex with them without using the condom. The child is registered in my boyfriend's name. We don't have any together.

My cousins give me money to help their son. I don't know which one of them got me pregnant, but I know I had sex with both of them. My boyfriend and I still have a relationship. He has two children now with another girl. She thinks that the child I have is his because he is sending the child to school. Sometimes I think that I would want to get married, but I cannot tell any man that I had sex with my cousins. So, I am asking you for your advice.

V.G.

Dear V.G.,

First of all, I want to tell you that I would love for you to forgive yourself. You were young and you made a very bad mistake by having sex with your two male cousins. They were older than you and they did not protect you. All of you thought you were just having fun as teenagers.

When you went back to rural Jamaica and you missed your period, you lied to your boyfriend. You got away with the lie because he trusted you and he could not imagine that you would have had sex with your two cousins. He believed that he was the one responsible for your pregnancy. He approached your parents and he has been supporting the child. You eventually told the man that you were raped by your cousins, but he is still supporting the child. I would say that you are very fortunate. He has not gone public with what you said to him and he has not embarrassed you in any way.

But you are concerned because you would like to get married and you feel that you would have to tell your husband who is the biological father of your child.

The question is, would you have to do so? Your boyfriend has accepted the child as his own. He is carrying his name. If you feel that it would ease your conscience to say who the father is, your two cousins would have to submit themselves to DNA tests. Do you really think that you want to go through with that? I can't tell you that you ought not to do so if you believe that you would feel much better knowing which one of the cousins impregnated you.

You lied to your boyfriend by telling him that you were raped. Now you would have to come clean with him if you believe that you should do a DNA test. This man knows that he is not the biological father of the child, but he has accepted him as his own. Don't do anything to confuse your son. I believe that you should let sleeping dogs lie. And that is how I see it at the moment. Others may differ with me.

Pastor