I keep choosing the wrong guys

Dear Pastor,

When I was growing up, I was very attractive, so guys were always asking for sex.

I met a guy and became serious about him. He took my virginity, but he was always flirting with other girls.

I found out later that he did not really love me. All he wanted was sex, sex and that is what I gave him because I thought that would keep him, but it didn't.

He only added my name to his list, so I told him that I did not love him anymore.

Then, I met another guy who was very handsome. I slept with him, too, but that relationship only lasted for six months.

I met another guy who was tall and very handsome. He promised that he would take care of me. I told him what the other guys had done to me. He told me that he was not that type.

I tried to keep away from him, but I couldn't. So we got into a very deep relationship and I moved in with him. That relationship lasted 16 months. He had me under his full control.

I had to tell him where I was going and for what reason. He even spent my money freely, although he was working.

I wanted to settle down, but when I moved in with him, he stopped going to church and was trying to get me pregnant. But I took birth controls pills without letting him know.

One day, he went into my handbag and saw my pills and a big argument started. He hit me and I hit him back and we started to fight, and that was the end of our relationship.

I packed up and went home to my parents. I went to the US because I had a visa. I was introduced to a man up there.

He didn't question me much about my past. We got married and had two children.

I love my husband, but he is an American and my intention was always to marry a Jamaican. I went to college, and now I have a good job and do not depend on my husband's money.

I don't like my in-laws. They are not nice to me, and they never have anything good to say about Jamaicans. They are very jealous of Jamaicans.

My husband is unfaithful. I have thought about divorcing him many times, but I am a Christian and I do not want to be alone.

What advice can you give to me?

R.T.

Dear R.T.,

First of all, I want to say that it is unfortunate that you were fooled by three young men when you were younger.

You meant well, but these young men were not sincere, and so they used you. The one who said that he was a Christian was not better than the first two.

I can see why you believed him, because you wanted to get married and live a life that would please God.

He should have married you and at least tried to raise a family by getting you pregnant.

Instead, he left the church and was trying to get you pregnant first, and you did not trust him.

You were not prepared to get pregnant, so you went on the pill. You had the right to do so and when he found your pills, he beat you up. Only an idiot behaves that way.

You finally got married to an American man and you have two children together. This man is a cheater. I am not going to encourage you to leave him.

You should try to make the relationship work. You haven't said that you don't love him, so I am assuming that you do love him, but you cannot deal with his cheating.

Perhaps you should tell him that you would love for the both of you to go and see a family counsellor, as the marriage is in danger of breaking up.

Please, don't walk out on him just like that. You have to remember your children.

I want you to totally ignore what his family members are saying about you. Perhaps they are jealous of you, and your standard is higher than theirs.

Be careful not to say anything negative about them. Let him deal with them.

Some people are very jealous of Jamaican women, especially if the Jamaican women are attractive and know how to dress and cook.

I wish you well. Please, let me hear from you again.

Pastor