Boyfriend won’t wed unless we have a boy

Dear Pastor,

It is hard to believe that I am 21 years old. I celebrated my birthday recently. I am ready to be married, but my child's father is saying that he is not ready.

He also said that unless I have a boy child, he will not be ready to get married. I asked him what if we never have a boy. He said that we would keep trying.

I asked him who the "we" was, surely not with me. I did not know that this man is so ignorant. He said he loves his daughter, but he wants a son to carry on his name.

I don't know how that is going to happen, Pastor, because my boyfriend hardly helps me with my daughter. I have to go to work, and at the end of the week, I have all my household chores to do.

My mother keeps our child during the week. On weekends when this man is supposed to help me, he is watching sports on cable.

STILL NOT MARRIED

I blame myself. I should have known what I was getting into because the father of my boyfriend has seven children, six with my boyfriend's mother, and one outside. Plus, he is still not married.

I am not going to stay here and have children with this man. I told him that I am not going to allow him to 'breed me like rabbit' and tie me down.

I would like to get married like my older sister and go to church. When I see my older sister, her husband, and her two children going to church, I feel jealous of them.

I told this man that I am giving him one more year to make up his mind otherwise I am going to leave him because there are other guys who would love to have me. He takes everything I tell him about life as a joke, but I am not joking.

Do you know anything that I can do to make this man wake up and stop this foolishness about wanting a son to carry on his name? Whatever you write and tell me, I am going to show him your response.

We were friends for two years before I moved in to live with him, but he never told me this foolishness about wanting a son before marriage.

D.D.

Dear D.D.,

Your child's father is taking you for granted. He believes that he is not a real man if he has not fathered a male child. There are many men who insist that they should have at least one son to carry on their name as they put it.

What they are really saying is that in life or in a family, a woman is not important.

Instead of this man showing love and affection to his daughter, he is hoping to get you pregnant.

I believe you should tell this man that you are not going to stick around. It is either that he is going to marry you or you are going to move on, argument done. I wish you well.

Pastor