Devastated that my teen daughter is pregnant

Dear Pastor,

I have a daughter who is 18 and she has me very worried. She showed signs of being pregnant, but she said that she was not. She has a boyfriend who is 24. She goes out with him.

We have a very good relationship. Her boyfriend is very nice; he comes from a very good family. I don't have anything bad to say about him; he has good manners.

I have been observing my daughter; she has not had her period for two months. As her mother I observe these things. She told me her period might be late because that happens sometimes. I can't argue with that. Last Sunday after dinner, she went into her room and I followed her. I said to her, "We have to talk, woman to woman. Are you having sex with so and so?"

DANGERS OF 'DRY SEX'

She said "No." I encouraged her to go the doctor because something was wrong. Right there before her, I called her boyfriend and told him that I knew something was wrong. So he came over to see us. I asked them together whether they have been having sex and he said no, but then he said to my daughter, "Tell your mother the truth."

The truth is that they practise 'dry sex'. They have also done it in the nude, but he did not penetrate her. So they agreed to go to the doctor.

I knew that he got her pregnant. They could not believe that she could be pregnant after practising dry sex. He said he was not prepared to be a father, and she is not ready to be a mother. Pastor, I believe that I have failed because I should have taught her that fooling around like that could get her pregnant. What should I do?

P.S.

Dear P.S.,

I thank you for having confidence in me and I would like to say that many women have got pregnant after 'dry sex'. When a girl is making out with her boyfriend and he discharges, his sperm may swim up the vaginal canal and go through the cervix and into the uterus. The male does not have to deposit the sperm by penetrating the vagina, all that has to happen is for him to discharge at the entrance of the vagina and that woman can become pregnant.

That is what I mean by having 'dry sex'. There is even such risk when a couple practises mutual masturbation. I don't want you to blame yourself for anything.

There are some things that a mother might not remember to warn her daughter about, and for a father to talk to his son about. You may have spoken to your daughter about sex, but you didn't go on to tell her that dry sex, or 'outer sex', could create danger for both of them.

Your daughter is still young, and so she should be encouraged to continue her education after giving birth. Encourage the young fellow to do his best in supporting the child; he should be urged to stand up to his responsibilities.

Pastor