Slept with my aunt’s boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I have had four relationships. Two of the guys treated me well. One of them tried to use me so that relationship only lasted six months.

My parents live abroad. They left me with one of my aunts when I was 16. They promised that they would file for me when their papers were straightened out.

The first thing that happened to me was with one of my aunt's boyfriends. From the day he saw me, he had his eyes on me. I tried to tell my aunt that I wasn't comfortable being around him and she said he wouldn't bother me. So I made myself comfortable but he worked himself into my arms.

Before I realised what I was doing, I was having sex with him. Anything I wanted, he gave it to me. I would lie and skip school and go out with him because he was in sales.

He used to insist that when he was going out, I would go with him. He would insist that I wore skirts so he could fondle me. I did not object because I liked the idea. We ended up at the beach a few times and he was careful not to get my hair wet.

One day I sent him a text message and my aunt saw it. I was complaining about her and he had to beg for me. My aunt said that she would push me out. So whenever she was around, he did not say anything to me. But it was so hard to know that he was in her room with her having sex, but he found ways of still giving me money.

We broke up when I became pregnant for another guy. This other guy brought a computer for me from the US to the house and my aunt was not there. He asked me for a quickie and promised me that he would not discharge in me. When he was ejaculating, I told him he should get off from on top of me, but he couldn't. I got pregnant and I told the other guy.

I lost the baby. I don't know how. My aunt's boyfriend and I decided to cool it because he was upset that I had cheated.

After leaving high school, I played around with two other men. But I became wiser. One is a friend of one of my schoolmates. He used to pick her up from school and they gave me a ride. When I saw that he loved me, I mentioned it to her and she told me I should take him on. So I did. That relationship is going now for two years.

He has his woman and they have a child together. He said he is not leaving me no matter what happens. I don't want to leave him either because I can get whatever I want from him.

My birthday is coming up and he has promised me a car. His girlfriend does not know me. Sometimes I feel that I should do something to let her know.

Y.L.

Dear Y.L.

How long are you going to pretend that all is well with you? You know in your heart that you are struggling emotionally and psychologically.

Your aunt's boyfriend got involved with you because you did not have the strength to resist him. You loved the idea of skipping school and doing bad things.

I am glad that your aunt didn't throw you out when she became aware that you were saying unkind things about her.

You have not said what progress, if any, was made to get you to live abroad. I hope that your parents have not abandoned the idea to help you. You need a break.

You have made mistakes and you cannot do anything about them but you can try not to repeat them, and you can turn your life around and do well.

I would suggest that you talk to your parents about helping you to join them in the US. Let me remind you that one of the most unreliable methods of birth control is 'withdrawal'.

Some men really mean well when they say that they will withdraw when they feel that it is time to ejaculate. But very often they find it very difficult.

According to Dr Wheat, "If 100 couples use the withdrawal method, there would only be 20 per cent decrease in the number of pregnancies. This means that there would be 160 out of 200 unplanned pregnancies in the course of a year." Therefore, this is not a safe method at all. Please do not practise this method.

Pastor