My fiancée is too jealous

Dear Pastor,

I am a man in my 40s and it is only now that I have found a woman who I can marry. My only problem is that she is very controlling.

She has never been married either and she has three children. I always wondered why no man had ever stayed with her but now I understand. She is the only child for her parents and everything they have, they give to her. They have two houses, the one she lives in with her children and the one they live in. I don't have much but I have a little money put away. I am thinking of putting some money on a house. She told me that I don't have to do that because we can get married and live right where she is. I know I will save lots of money by doing so but she is so controlling. If I go out, she wants me to come home at a certain time. If I go to see my mother she calls me 100 times to find out if I am indeed there. My parents have a home but my father has seven of us to the one house and it can't share up for all of us. My father told me I have to be careful of going to live in a woman's house because when a man does that, the woman can throw him out at any time. One day I said that to my fiancee and she said that the only way she would throw me out is if I didn't behave myself and if I was cheating on her. I don't have any problem getting food when I come home from work because she cooks almost every day and I make sure that I give her money every week. She has her own vehicle and I try to help her to maintain it because I am a mechanic. But Pastor, the woman is too jealous and I know I am not cheating. Her children are for two different men and she is always cursing these men. I don't have the education that she has but I told her that she should not be cursing them all the time in the presence of the children. She doesn't care. I take these children as my own. I was never a man who used the condom but I have never got a woman pregnant and I have put that behind me now. How can I handle her jealousy?

J.T.

Dear J.T.,

If you know that you are not guilty of doing anything wrong and you know that you have tried to assure your lady that you are true to her, you should not allow her jealousy to get the better of you. She might not have told you everything but her former lovers have disappointed her and so to her, all men are wicked, deceivers, and liars. So now that you have come into her life she is trying to determine whether you are special. She has not yet decided to trust you fully but I repeat that if you know that you are truthful and faithful to her, remain that way. So continue to assure her of your faithfulness. I am glad that you are not just relying on this woman to take care of you. Continue to help her with the house and since you are living there, remember the utility bills. Give money towards those also. You have saved some money, so although this woman is saying that you don't have to purchase a house, it would be prudent to buy one. You don't have to live there, you can rent it and receive an income from it. That rental income will come in handy especially when you come to the age of retirement. Too many men have been careless and have just lived with women and have not bought anything for themselves and then something may happen and the woman tells them to go. Buy your own place if at all that is possible and I wish you well.

Pastor